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Little lemon sun

Little lemon sun
eats through enamel on teeth.
But I just can't stop

Author notes


Written December 12th, 2003

In a list

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    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 13 of 13

  • PerVirtuous
    August 16, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    cute!

  • Seeking Peace silver member
    January 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is great, I think you captured this very well

    Thankyou for entering this contest, I wish you the very best of luck

    Karen

  • Wesside
    June 30, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I agree with ava noire. Lemon drops are the shit.It has been a couple of years since I've sated my addiction. Well written.

    Score: 8.5

  • shadylane
    December 31, 2003
    Edit | Reply
    um... i dont get it. are you eating a lemon? i dont know....

    shadylane


  • haikumonk gold member
    December 16, 2003
    Edit | Reply
    Hey..... this one has made it passed the first round.

    Good luck.

    Don


  • truembrace
    December 15, 2003
    Edit | Reply
    Almost seems as though the meaning behind this might be that one could be so happy and force out that smile until it eats away at ya'... An interesting Haiku. I like this. Something about the imagery in this piece that gets a curious look on my face and leaves me wondering what might have come next were this in another structure. Leaving someone with thoughts off on a tangent is always a Plus after having read a piece. This does just that.


  • Runawaytrain
    December 15, 2003
    Edit | Reply
    Well then, be sure to brush extra long.


  • writonthebody
    December 14, 2003
    Edit | Reply
    lol... ::looks at above comment:: ::furrows brow:: uh... lemon grops? ok then...
    Anyway, thanks for the comment and this is interesting. It has the ability to be deeper than its superficial value promotes. Pen on.


  • glazecovered
    December 14, 2003
    Edit | Reply
    I have to agree with Tina Brannon, this made me think of lemon grops. Those things are so good, you start eating them and just can't stop...Good luck in the contest!
    ~Anastasia


  • Ava Noire silver member
    December 12, 2003
    Edit | Reply
    This made me think of lemon drops. I love those things. They are so addictive. I found a bag of them earlier

    Nifty haiku. Going to read some more of your stuff.


  • December 12, 2003
    Edit | Reply

    excellent

    Excellent poem you have here . I enjoyed it. Keep up the good work and I can't wait to read more of your work.


  • Poetic LieSins
    December 12, 2003
    Edit | Reply
    First of all, thanks for posting on my "One Breath at a Time" poem. Much appreciated. Okay. I love Haikus, even though I never write any. Good job though. I think the lemon could be a metaphor for a lot of stuff that we do in life that we shouldn't do. Bye bye.

  • haikumonk gold member
    December 12, 2003
    Edit | Reply
    Are you eating a lemon? And you're a lemon addict?..... alrighty then!!! Thanks for entering and good luck.

    Don

1 - 13 of 13