there are not
13 steps
to my room- but one more-
this I know now.
bags around
my ankles,
things women
couldn't show
in the old days.
their ways
were strange
and unlike ours
and this shouldn't
be happening.
not to me.
the knowledge
of things I
shouldn't know
slithers
up through me
and sticks its
tongue through
the holes
in my eyes.
it sighs in
sexual pleasure
that I'll never
hear from
you again.
this sin is
eve's and
her possessive side
leaves a bruise
on my neck- sharp teeth.
it must be
a mistake,
october is late;
the fake bastard.
the floor
is a mess [
the bleeding
is less]
and I guess I
should leave.
"miss, you okay?"
the elevator,
I answer.
it's broken.
Author notes
not all men are bastards.
khourey
In a list
A contest entry
- A Wordplay Poetry Contest by -BlackKnight-.
600 points, ended June 9, 2008, 38 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Haha, nice touch added with the author's notes
But it's true. Anyway, the poem itself was stunning and left me pretty speechless. The beginning was perfect. The part about bags around the ankles was surprising to see but resfreshing in the sense that no one really remembers (or cares) what the past was like. COmpare and contrast type thing. And, to say the least, the ending was brilliant. It summed everything up and with a simple statement threw me off (in a good way) Congrats on the trophy, too 
Brilliant 
Jeanette*~
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So many words it could be... This one was good. I see why Jason added it to the finalists list. I'm not arguing either. Excellented work.
It got very ironic at the end in my opinon. -
Maybe..."slip" or "dark"?
I see you have a new picture up; pretty as always.
Anyway, near the end of this, I got a strong sense of irony, I guess you could say. That the person in the poem was first hurt by a male, and then helped by one. I think.
Though, I didn't quite get this stanza:
"it must be
a mistake,
october is late;
the fake bastard."
Perhaps I'm just missing something, though?
Anyway, this is definitely one of the better pieces in this contest. Loved the strong imagery here, particularly the poem's first few stanzas. -
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oh, and, I cut my hair. So, it's short now.
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So I see. It looks good.
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I love you Jason.
45 entries. wow.
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this sin is
eve's and
her possessive side
leaves a bruise
on my neck- sharp teeth.
... my favorite part of yr piece...
great write and a great read...
-
"the knowledge
of things I
shouldn't know
slithers
up through me
and sticks its
tongue through
the holes
in my eyes."
I love that stanza. It really hits me.
I know EXACTLY how it feels to be in that situation.
Once again, I love your poetry. You really seem to write for my mood.
Pretty pimptastic work. Good word choice and a lot of feeling.
Killer job.
~Phoenix
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blew me away.
i'll come back with more to say?
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you clever poet.
-
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