Flushing tones of sensual magnetism.
Ordered priority priced for postal play.
Sensitive indictment centers one's focus;
with audacity's willingness to insinuate.
Lost is the primeval pristine past-time,
on a parched and sultry well endowed ground.
Witness the casual, caustic summit,
as the windows close and shuts off crowds.
Left only are the compatible components.
Stretched by the thread of deep desire.
Fire burns the substance off corners
before one has any chance to comply.
Secretly the mission's been sorted,
bought by the swiftness of dead time.
Nothing from nowhere's allotted-
Just looking for some pie in the sky.
But when the lonely journey's confronted,
sighs of mass delight wrings it's hands.
Tales of renewal, and blind-sightedness,
outweighs the other parcels in trance.
Layer upon layer is a sure foundation,
peaks at the day's midnight cast flow.
Hesitation's wave running up and over,
cascading flutters weigh in now once again.
A contest entry
- A Wordplay Poetry Contest by -BlackKnight-.
600 points, ended June 9, 2008, 38 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Drift perhaps?
I couldn't really get a clear message from this... It was rather confusing. Not bad though...
It was just okay.
Thanks anyway though.
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"Drift" or "hours", perhaps?
Although, what exactly is this about? Your replies below to other comments show that you yourself are not certain of just what this poem's message or meaning is. A poet should always know what his/her poem is about when writing it, the purpose being that, should a reader ask about a certain part or section, the poet can actually explain it. If you don't know what that part or section means, it gives away the impression that you didn't really put much thought into the piece.
I got the feeling that all the alliteration and use of big words was because you thought they looked good in the piece, not because they served any functional purpose. Words should be able to fulfill both needs, not one or the other.
I also disliked that you bent the rules by using several half-rhymes and semi-rhymes, with the exception of the last stanza. Though, it's technically within the rules, so there isn't much I can say about this.
I dunno, it's an alright poem, but like so many others I read here, it could be so much better. I would suggest using language that actually makes sense, both to you and the reader. -
This is a beautiful piece of free flowing poetry that unfurls cascading thoughts of the persona on sensuality and affection.I love the use of descriptive imageries with allusions that did help to lend credence to the persona's expression on smashing effects of passion.
The poem is revealing in tone,reassuring in wording and very effective in meter.Great write PP as always.
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Thanks VV, this piece really is a mystery of sorts to even me...but, you seemed to have caught its driftlol
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A great write loaded with imagery. Very creative and elaborate.
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What nick-name may I call you? I like using nick-names...smile...and thanks for this reviewlol
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I have been called Z, or Big Z.
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I like that - keep it simple...aye, I shall be calling thee Z-thanks
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a good flow here, i especially like the dead time imagery, that speaks out i think within the poem, good luck
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hahaha I wish I knew what that signifies...hahaha..."dead time"hahahaha I have no clue-they said to play on words - so, there you go, I overplayed myself into confusion hahaha but its kind of funlol How are you today?
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