Because of You

Why...
That's the only question that comes to mind
As I lie in my bed,
Curled into a ball,
Fearful,
Terrified.
Every night since I met you,
You've done nothing but torture my mind.
The countless dreams I had
Of you beating me till I was broken and bleeding,
Then ripping me apart,
Starting with my clothes,
Then you cut me in places you knew it would hurt the most,
Starting with my heart.
You know...
The strangest part is that
The only thing you ever really did in real life
Was touch me...
Hit me in the stomach...
Choked me...
Yet you hold me in the palm of your hand,
Not even realizing the power you have over me.
When I see you,
I have to bite myself to make sure
You couldn't hear my screaming.
You don't know how many scars I've had
That came from you hurting me.
Will you ever know?
Most likely,
You won't...
But I'm telling you now!
Every time someone so much as touches my arm,
I want to punch them.
Every time a person reaches out for me lovingly,
I shove them away.
Every time my friends,
My family,
Anyone in particular,
Places a hand on my shoulder,
On my face,
On my knee,
On my neck,
All I feel is them CHOKING ME
Like you did
And I want to kill them!
I can never fully love someone
Without what you did to me in the back of mind!
I can never have a normal life
Without remembering how you broke me into so many pieces,
Scattering little bits of my heart,
My body,
My soul
Into so many dark closets filled with wreaking skeletons
That I could never find myself again!
Because of you,
I'm afraid of everyone and what they might do to me.
So while you move on with your life,
Holding your beloved in your arms everyday,
Enjoying the company of all your friends,
I hope they find out what you really are.
While I lay curled in fear,
Covered by only bedclothes,
I pray that you will someday be as naked to the world
As I am to you.
I pray that I haunt you for the rest of your life
Just as you haunt me.
I hope your filthy hands will suddenly seem scarlet
With all the blood I've taken from myself
To get over you...
And I pray that God will have mercy on your guilty soul!