Sweet euphoria beckons,
Beckons before the darkened soul.
The walls within this life
Crumble, whimper, crack.
Heed not the warnings of death,
But the warnings of life itself.
The walls thickly cracked in pain
Soaking, soaking up the suffering,
The mind breaks.
As distilled paranoia flows lucidly
Into the wall, filling them.
The mind listens deeply,
To the whispering calls to end it.
Take heed the warnings,
And bring fourth a new life,
Leaving the old behind.
Author notes
'Distilled paranoia seeped into the walls and filled the cracks with the whispering calls'
I just heard this whilst playing guildwars, and it got me thinking, and i managed to write something out of it, i'm rather impressed seeing as my mind just won't write anything atm
A contest entry
- Best Prewrites From April 2008 by amaranthine lover.
525 points, ended June 1, 2008, 28 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What you think?
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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I like this, it was interesting.
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Well, I liked it. You used some good vocabulary and some good images. But, it seemed too crunched together. Try stanza breaks? Also, the repetition didn't quite work for me. But, altogether, well done!
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is this any better regarding breaks?
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Try some spacing - but apart from that the flow and mood seem smooth.
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WoW I must say that you have written an great piece here. I liked the part
" soaking, soaking up the suffering, this is a somewhat of a deep write. There was a lot to take in, and your out come was excellent.
I'm not usally into these kinds of poem, but for some reason I really enjoyed this piece. Very glad I stopped by to read.
Loveandblessings2u & yours always
Joyce
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amazing
wow this is good!
goddamn why do things like this not come to me when i play games xD
'the walls thickly crackled in pain'.... thats deep... -
awesome
awesome... everything is awesome
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