Fracas of moments; relations defined -
A spur of alikeness that distracts the mind.
Entangled, disordered - a mess of distress.
Exhausting insistence gifted in excess.
A shameful deception that adorned your face;
displaying emotion would seem out of place.
Yet attached to untruths or so I would deem
when steel walls encage every core of my dreams.
Figments of illusions were played in the past,
and you gave me visions that I thought would last.
A fool for believing the fraud that you are,
so sit back and mimic these lies from afar.
Affection is slaughtered; suppressing the grief,
while searching for escape in hopes of relief.
The mind is now vacant; empty and abused
of distorted feelings as I have been used.
Let's dance to the music, waltzing hand in hand,
and hope that in future you will understand,
the confusion boils all the blood in my veins,
stopping me from loving you, ever again.
So, look on the floor now, you've crossed every line,
as trust slowly weakens and starts to decline.
Tango to the exit and walk out the door -
I can't seem to deal with your pain anymore.
Your presence is useless - that much you should know.
I'm fed up of waiting; it's now time to go.
When love has no value, you just cannot reign,
so get lost and go somewhere else to complain.
Author notes
Picture Inspiration: Dance I (On Board) - Mark Spain
In a list
A contest entry
- Invite Only by Laura Lamarca.
500 points, ended April 19, 2008, 11 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your favorite picture inspired pt 2 by whispernthedark.
625 points, ended May 10, 2008, 18 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything, Basically by wonderbandalice.
525 points, ended June 2, 2008, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything *good will do by DesolatELifE.
700 points, ended July 17, 42 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Now you tell me:
Comments
1 - 46 of 46
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Ha. Shall I tell you why I know who you are?
AllPoetry turns the names of people in my contest to 'anonymized' when that person is in my contest. Interestingly, where your name was a few seconds ago, it now says 'Anonymized'
Silly!
Wonderful. I like some verses more than others. Very nice poem, though. I'm glad you chose a rhymer.
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Your presence is useless - that much you should know.
I'm fed up of waiting; it's now time to go.
When love has no value, you just cannot reign,
so get lost and go somewhere else to complain.
these lines are magnificent.. grets job!
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thanks
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Haha, I love it. Exceptional.
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Great piece!
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This is wonderful, I loved the picture that inspired it. Your really capture the heartache and the anger of being betrayed (humiliated). I love your writing, and this is one of the best I've read so far. Thank you for entering the contest, good luck.
♥
whisper
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That is quite the comment - thank you
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Your presence is useless - that much you should know.
I'm fed up of waiting; it's now time to go.
When love has no value, you just cannot reign,
so get lost and go somewhere else to complain.
ties up beautifully
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I dont know what to say!... other than you blew me away with this one
definately a
favourite from you NFL.
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What an amazing write. Seriously, this hit me in places I thought had gone away... it makes me think of a situation that I have recently gone through.
"Your presence is useless - that much you should know.
I'm fed up of waiting; it's now time to go.
When love has no value, you just cannot reign,
so get lost and go somewhere else to complain."
absolutely amazing. Seems effortless... flowing so wonderfully..
thank you for gracing us with such a beautiful write.
keep it up... you're very talented! -
This was beautifully written with a rhyme scheme that never seemed forced. The emotions escalated and I felt the rhythm of that last tango. I have always admired your work in free verse, but this is the first of your rhymes I have read. Very well done and congratulations on a well deserved silver trophy. Peace, Liz
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I have to say that that is quite the compliment
thank you!
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After reading so many free verse, I kinda missed your rhyme. Good poem. Flowed so evenly.
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My fav..........well done..
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ooooh...I forgot to add the applause...which is kindda silly cos this poem more than deserves it!!!
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great job!
this flows really well. i loved the rhyming it seemed so effortless.I can totally releate to this as I just got out of a bad relationship recently...funny thing is I still love the lying bitch but this is some awesome poetry.Great job.. -
This was a pleasure to read; a well penned quatrain with depth in emotion. The aabb rhyme scheme adds domination as you compose a directed assertiveness in the first person. Well done!
Love,
Amera
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Thank you
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nice write. this peice it amazing. nice rhyme scheme. it's emotional. keep up the good work.
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Thank you
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Very dramatic, Very good ^.^
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Great write my friend.
Check out the IM I sent you.
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Thank you!
I fixed it here and there, with your advice. I hope you like the ending more
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so good to know waht we want, and why...maybe even more important to know what we don't want in our lives and why... a very well written piece of wisdom here,...PK
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What happens when there are strong reasons why you shouldn't want a person yet you still do?
Thank you
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Now this is just excellent indeed!,so powerful and I find this alluring
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this is great! first of all the title really prepared me and helped me to understand where you were coming from - and besides that, great metaphor! i loved your rhyming and your use of words was absolutely flawless. great write you truly have some talent!!
the emotion behind it is crystal clear although the very last paragraph, while it does work, it doesn't quite fit the rest of piece which is so eloquent. but it does very much get the message across so good job!
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I fixed it a bit if you want to have a look
Thank you
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amazing
I loved your piece!!! please, check out my poetry... i could use advice from someone this good!
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Thank you
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Excellent write..
your language is lovely.
Very powerful imagery....
Sort of the "I love you to death" feel to it...smiles
Best wishes with this entry..
Many blessings
~A~
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i like this poem its alluring and it draws u into the mind of the writer...
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'the road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom' william blake
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When wisdom is gained, the second class becomes an annoyance.
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this reminds me of my last girlfriend....its so alluring the way ur words draw the reader into ur poem like ur actually there..
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So, look on the floor now, you've crossed all the lines,
as trust slowly weakens and starts to decline.
Tango to the exit and walk out the door -
I can't seem to deal with your pain anymore.
This is the sort of write that goes straight for the jugular, and crushes it painfully. I stand amazed.
Excellent. What more can be said?
Best wishes,
Jin
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Wow...
So,I don't know who you are,but I LOVE this poem of yours. You've got some talent there. I find it quite exquisite indeed. Sums up how I felt a few weeks ago,too.Which is very nice. Over all,a good job! -
A Real Heart-Bleeder
The pain, rage, and confusion come out quite well in this piece. What I found most interesting was how the poem seems to gradually morph from abstracted bemusement to a visceral "Please go to hell!"
3 claps for this one!
Erik -
Well done poet !
Interesting.. Perfect rhyme and form. Could not find one darn thing wrong with it.
Good work. Debby
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O_O
wow that was a very very good poem and it looks like you had a bad thing with a BF i know the pain all to well my ex GF was sleeping with my best friend
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Thank you
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*cheesey NYPD cop accent* nice work, kid
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oi!
Don't call me kid, I'm the same age as you
or..
how old are you? O.o
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