The sugar tastes so yummy,
It keeps her tummy empty
As she hides the little vial
Cuz she’s breaking all the rules.
It keeps her tummy empty
And her arms are small as needles
Cuz she’s breaking all the rules
As she flaps her feather boa
Her arms are small as needles
And her eyes look just like doughnuts
As she flaps her feather boa
Wiping blood from her nose.
And her eyes look just like doughnuts
As she hides the little vial
Wiping blood from her nose
Cuz the sugar tastes so yummy.
Author notes
This is a poem that I wrote for a class. The form is called Pantoum. I didn't strictly follow it though as a true Pantoum is supposed to have rhymes.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Forms were meant to be broken!
Good job on this... one of the best pantoums that I've seen as far as logical segues.
(I'm not big into form poetry, so admittedly I haven't seen a lot.)
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This piece is very sad and sickening because it explores an element of society that is all too true. It could be interpreted as someone very young being manipulated into society's view of perfect "Cuz the sugar tastes so yummy
And it keeps her tummy empty
As she hides the little vial
Cuz she’s breaking all the rules.", or it could also be interpreted as drug use in said society "And her arms are small as needles
And her eyes look just like doughnuts
As she flaps her feather boa
Wiping blood from her nose." This denotes real writing talent, to be able to give so many possible explanations in one single piece. Whichever interpretation is given, this piece is stark, haunting, and poignant. VERY well written!!
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