To You,
I drove home that night,
the night we broke-up,
“It’s not you, it’s me”
are the words I believe you used.
I was so upset,
I wasn’t concentrating on my driving.
The car spun out of control.
Luckily, only one person was killed…
luckily, it was me.
I didn’t feel any pain,
and all I remember is
right before I took my last breath I whispered,
“I will always love you.”
An angel came and got me,
she let me look down on my friends and family.
After I was gone,
you tried to act so strong,
but you were weak,
you cried for days,
blaming yourself for my death.
I wrote this for you,
so I could tell you
not to worry and to go live your life.
And no matter how much I want to see you,
I hope I don’t for a long time.
And when I do,
I hope you are old and wrinkled.
I will always love you.
It's not you, it's me...
From,
Me
Author notes
Sorry, I know this is horrible, but it was the only letter I had.
A contest entry
- Tell Something by HiddenByTheDark.
380 points, ended July 10, 2008, 17 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - star crossed lovers by Cerbie20.
1325 points, ended August 31, 2008, 87 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - On the Road. by Velvet Rose Petals.
700 points, ended October 28, 2008, 12 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prewrites & freshwrites ;; with a catch by wildflower..
575 points, ended January 25, 56 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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Oh my this is such a heartbreaking story! I like how you ended it with "it's not you it's me" like the story began and finished with the same common sentence.. Love it. Best of luck in the contest ♥
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This is not a poem. It is a story in the form of a poem. It can be put into paragraph form without even changing the punctuation:
I drove home that night, the night we broke-up, “It’s not you, it’s me” are the words I believe you used. I was so upset, I wasn’t concentrating on my driving. The car spun out of control....
You tell the story well, but poetry is supposed to show and use poetic device such as imagery, metaphor, allusion, symbol and simile. Carl Sanburg said, "Poetry is an echo, asking a shadow to dance." Poets need to do more than tell a story. They need to paint a picture with words. Take time to play with the words and draw out the images within them.
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wow...
thats really sad
I had a friend who died this way...
she called and left me a voice mail saying her and her boyfriend broke up and she sounded so upset...
she wrecked her car 3 minutes after she left her voicemail...
I wish I would have answered the phone so maybe I could have calmed her down...
anything..
but everything happens for a reason.
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Oh my gosh.. wow that is really, really sad. I think how you described the kiss as trying to wake sleeping beauty, would have been a good line in the poem. But, it really is a good poem. In the three poems I have read of yours, you really are an excellent person who understands emotions very well, good luck in the contest!
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This is what I call Beautiful Sadness! Thank you for sharing & good luck in the contest. In Love & Light... Blessed Be! ~~Iridessa MoonFlower~~
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damn thats a really sad situation, wonderful way of putting it... so simply yet heart wrenching all the same... congrats on the trophies and good luck in the future!
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thats really cool you got that from the situation you witnessed. We had to watch a crime scene of these highschool students 6 in the back of the truck and two in the front, and the driver was drunk and he ended up getting t boned, and there was a girl 15 years old, sober and she died. There was actually ten of them that went to this hang out place, but two of them stayed behind. they were very lucky. It is just so sad, how one moment you can be on top of the world in happiness and then you crash and everything can be taken away from you. Good write..
Rose -
Wow how unusual and sad! It is so poignant! I really like this! Great work and thanks for entering!
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wow this is a really good poem. and it really caught my attention... it reminded me a lot of my something that happened to my sister's friend. it's really sad. and it is even more sad to make it from her point of view. very very very good job!
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oh my gosh, this is so sad. Just wow. What a sad story! This is like depressingly sad, that's all I have to say
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that was definitely heart wrenching.
wow. that was just amazing.
those are horrible circumstances, but the poem turned out beautifully.
thanks so much for entering.
& good luck.
♥taylor.
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Beautifully Spun... I am witout a word to speak.
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This brought tears to my eyes. It was so sad and the notes were even sadder because it was real. I don't really understand the whole wanting to die because of unrequited love thing but thank God for my Luis. nice poem. Thanks for entering and good luck
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oh are you talking about the girl saying:
"Luckily, only one person was killed…
Luckily, it was me."
That was because she was glad no one else was killed because of her carelessness. She didn't want to die, it wasn't a suicide thing at all.
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Yes
This is sad. This is soulful. But i'm not sure if anyone else noticed the big "Fuck You" at the end. It's priceless, i love it!!
Good luck in the contest and thank you for your entry. -
Oh this grips my heart so
Its so sad to see things as this and know the love you have within on your parting never fades and shall be rejoined someday .But her whisper to him is live long and love for the day she sees him again he will have much to tell her for the years remaing
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Thank you for entering my contest. I really liked the POV that your decided on, i feel it made the poem most geniune. This story is truly a sad one and my heart goes out to anyone who has been in a simular or identical situation. Great write and good luck
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I love it there is really nothing else to say. It will forever be an amazing poem. I am SO glad you choose to enter it in my contest.
♥always Kay
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Sad..
Great this poem showed alot of emotion and i liked that. Thanks for entering my contest i wish you the best of luck.
Shelly -
OMG. SO SAD!
It was so sad, and so beautiful! I really liked this piece! Thanks so much for entering -good luck! -
_No_ Creativity / Originality
_No_ Imagery
_No_ Metaphor
_Yes_ Emotion
_No_ Reaction
_Yes_ Relatability
_No_ Fluency
_No_ Powerful Beginning
_Yes_ Powerful Middle
_No_ Powerful Ending
_Yes_ Connecting Ideas
_No_ Interesting Idea Behind Piece and/or a Message Behind Piece
_Yes_ Interesting In General (Does Not Bore) -
Great work, wonderful adaptaion of the circumstance. Great flow and construction. Very moving and sadness inspring piece. Thanks for the great read
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a sad story, inspired by an even sadder story.
When i first read this, without seeing the AN, I was quite specital (sp?) about it as it was from the point of view of a dead person. After reading how it was inspireed, i'm still not fullty convinced. It's just my opinion on writing from a dead persons point of view.
Having said that, there is a lot of emotion behind this, and it did choke me up a bit.
Good write, thanks for entering and good luck!
Sunny
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We are judging now!
Of course, continue to edit!
Now. I tend not to take to poems that speak from the grave or wind up saying something was all a bad dream. I feel there is an artificiality about such poems with one or two notable, sophisticated exceptions. Yours belongs to the former.
I appreciate the thought and planning put into the emotive impact sought for.
Thank you.
Lyndon of the Winklings.
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Subject ming be 'driving into distance'
you have truly created a piece with intense emotion within this piece.
I almost wanted you to finish it with the words,
"its not you, its me"
Nice work. ~Pamela
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Just a quick comment to say thanks for entering this into my contest, sorry you didnt win but obviously there can only be three trophies given, which is a shame cause in this contest there deserved to be alot more winners! xxx
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ii lub iit
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