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Peacock mind

It's with terror that I looked inside,
and saw golden sunlight of peacock mind.
In my whole, your being is deified,
Man and God has been wholly redefined.

I know not what to do, my me is you
I sit and ponder in this one respect
of how mighty God created me anew
by adding god, in his divine aspect.

The colors emblaze their imprint in space,
as vapid eyes look into every me.
"My god, what has become of gentle face?"
I feel godlike and see, and see, and see.

Tis truth, the mirror of mind has become,
as ageless wisdom makes me fully numb.















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Comments

1 - 12 of 12

  • aboomer silver member
    July 11

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    The flow on this stumbled in places, maybe because of the repeat of some words, or using words that were too similar. I really like your wording, all in all - just feel it needs a bit more tightness in places.
    I love the lines,
    'It's with terror that I looked inside,
    and saw golden sunlight of peacock mind' - such a great image!
    also - powerful ending!
    'Tis truth, the mirror of mind has become,
    as ageless wisdom makes me fully numb' - it does seem like age, and all that we have learned (the hard-way most times...lol), does make us numb.
    all in all - I really liked this.
    best wishes


  • SoulfulBubbles
    July 9

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    oo!

    "Tis truth, the mirror of mind has become,
    as ageless wisdom makes me fully numb."

    I personally love these lines mainly because i relate to them and have felt a flavor much like it
    and it has an awesome flow and just like the entire poem it has a tone( and flow) that is enjoying listen to


  • Haiku-bless-you silver member
    June 21

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    This appears to me to be a poem of cosmic enlightenment, realizing we are much more than just physical beings here by random chance. We posess eternal spirits that transcends any physical heights that we may seek to obtain. Good thoughtful write, made me think and feel blessed this day. Many thanks.

    Dennis (Gray Elk)


    • Amazira
      July 1
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks Grey Elk

      Your critiques are always insightful and uplifting. Thank you for bringing me a measure of happiness today.

  • LittleMoon silver member
    May 12

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    A nice write with good rhyme. Niaish my friend for sharing it with us here.


  • RedwingSpirit silver member
    May 7

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    Amazira

    This is a really nice Write. I think god is supposed to be capitalized though. Niaish for sharing this with us .


    • Amazira
      May 7
      Edit | Reply

      I agree with the second

      The third god I chose to be a small 'god' for it is the I and the ego that I speak of. Thank you for pointing out the error. I did edit the poem.
  • spiritualangel
    April 22
    Edit | Reply
    Magnificient. best of luck

  • Mairi bheag gold member
    April 16

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    I feel it is a wee bit disjointed in places, particularly the couplet, and you need to tighten up your understanding of iambic rhythm. Also I am convinced you have a typo in the first line, because the stop after "terror" make no sense, and there are only nine syllables in the line. Having said that, it is a very vivid poem, full of imagery; I like that fact that you have taken chances too - such as line 12 with the hammer-blows created by the repetition, which lend great emphasis.

1 - 12 of 12