When I was just born a baby so precious and so small
Though I couldn't speak a word I swear you heard them all
You were My hero , my daddy so big and brave and strong
And you loved me no matter what even when I did something wrong
I was your little princess put up on a pedistal so perfect and tall
And as you would leave for work I would stand behind you and call
Daddy please dont leave me I need you here to hold my hand
Daddy please stay with me I need you to teach me how to stand
Daddy I need your wisdom to get through this crazy worlds maze
Daddy I need you to guide me so I don't get lost along the way
When your first granddaughter was born I felt I was pushed away
I blamed her for this distane that was growing every passing day
That she took your heart away from me and became your little girl
I blamed her for riuning my life taking my daddy my whole world
She was now the princess on my pedistal so perfect and so tall
And from the ground where everyone else was I would still call
Daddy please dont leave me I need you here to hold my hand
Daddy please stay here and hlp me though I know how to stand
Daddy I need you to help me through this crazy worlds maze
Daddy I need you to guide me so I don't get lost along the way
I remember when I hated you for all the wrongs I thought you did
All the nights I sat there and wished I was not your kid
All those ass whippings I got that I just did not understand
Or why you treated me different cuz I wouldnt grow into a man
Deep inside me I still wanted my pedistal so perfect so tall
Deep down inside my heart I was screaming it all
Daddy please don't give up on me I need you to hold my hand
Daddy please though Imight stumbel I need you to help me stand
Daddy I need your wisdom though I act like I am in a haze
Daddy I still need you to guide me so I don't loose my way
Now that Im am older and have a little boy of my own
I see how much you helped me as I have grown
I understand that you didn't knock me off my pedistal so high
That you didnt treat me differently because I wasnt a guy
It was because I was your little girl and you wanted to keep hold of my hand
That you might have been a grandpa But your first priorty was dad
So daddy please don't leave me stay here and hold my hand
PleaseDaddy don't give up easy I will help you to make that stand
Daddy I still need your stories foever in my ears
Daddy Im not ready to let you go I've only had you Twenty-eight years
What did you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Sincerely heartfelt.
Even after everything we go through we never grow out of our fathers.
You made a few typos which I think you should go back and fix.
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Wow this was very good. The last part to me was very impactful. In addition to the structure, there is a lot of honesty in these words. It is as though as each word has meaning.
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most wonderful... most girls feel this way about there dads, i feel this way as well.. only thing i see wrong is in line 18, you have hlp i belive you mean help? so that the only thing i see miss spelled.. but i love the pice very much..
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Crit, as Requested
I'll have to write this in starts and stops. I'll add the bulk of my comments this evening.
(I just read the last verse): *Hugs!*
The first thing I'm going to ask is, are you ready for a critique of this? If your father just died or is in danger of dying, right now isn't the best time to have someone critique this poem of love. I'm looking at it very objectively, and you should not have it critiqued until you're able to do the same.
Let me know what you'd like to do. If you really are ready for a critique, then I'll go over it once I hear back from you. -
I'm impressed with this! It reads like a song- I couldn't help humming a few melodies to go along with the words. I like that it has a beginning and an end that brings it all together. (second to last line- I think you typo-ed "forever" as "foever".) Good write!
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wow long and very strong!!!!!!!!sad to.
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