Dismantle my Dignity
Embrace my Sweat Fear
You left me with Unmended Pieces.
You're like a bad vacuume
You swallowed me whole
The Space in your chest is a void.
You say that I'm all that you have.
Your better half hidden in me,
But how will you know if the scratches wont fade?
You seem to be my heart's only amputee.
You preset your touch,
and cancel your comfort
My roughly stitched heart blindly binded.
All senses blacked out.
All thoughts in wild rides.
I hate how you anchor my body.
You say that I'm all that you have.
Your better half hidden in me,
But how will you know if the scratches wont fade?
You seem to be my heart's only amputee.
The Loneliness embeded .
The Advantage you had,
Your lust always inside my body.
You're at your best peak.
Your hurt at its climax.
I'm feeling the wrong sense of love.
You say that I'm all that you have.
Your better half hidden in me,
But how will you know if the scratches wont fade?
You seem to be my heart's only amputee.
I hate how you anchor my body.
Your lust always inside my body.
I hate how you anchor my body.
Rid of my heart's only amputee...
Author notes
the form is in lyrics, and I know that it repeats a lot. ha. But its like I've taken this out of my heart and put it down into words. My heart races everytime I look back and read it.
Questions, Comments, or Concerns?
greenheart4
A contest entry
- The story of a broken heart. by Silenced one.
700 points, ended April 14, 2008, 8 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - burning in the back of your throat. by xstarvingartist.
600 points, ended May 15, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me your best! by BabyBun.
450 points, ended May 8, 2008, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Dashboard Melted but We Still had the Radio by Epilogue.
1750 points, ended May 28, 2008, 5 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Get Over It by Beautiful-N-Broken.
300 points, ended May 14, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything goes....the second time... by Nikki Rowles.
600 points, ended June 13, 2008, 73 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Back N Black by Poetic Obscenity.
550 points, ended July 15, 2008, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - DirtyPretty - Prewrites or Fresh by xxRainbowDawnxx.
450 points, ended July 30, 2008, 52 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Abuse?.... by live-laugh-love.
540 points, ended November 10, 2008, 38 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The most painful thing you have felt by G-y-p-o.
550 points, ended February 5, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Heh....
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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What a weight. Thankyou.
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i'm srry but this dosn'e fit my contest, although it is good i kinda like it, well writen
i can feel the song reading it, u did well, like i said it don't really fit but hey it was worth a shot...,
thanx 4 ur entry!
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Oh I know what having the luck sucked out of you feels like, or the life. Either way. Those people are like leeches...
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Well, to fit both of the options, you've done very well in each category. It's very beautiful and has a nice ring to it. I can hear the melody clearly. I find the chorus to be very..amazing to say the least.
Thank you and good luck. -
This is really emotional and vivid =] Good luck <3
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Entries that have won trophies are disqualified. Please read the rules next time.
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Great write. Keep up the good work. Good luck in the contest
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I like the rhythm the words make and the emotions they reflect. I also liked the fact this piece seems to have a chorus which adds a sort of elaboration and exaggeration of those familiar feelings.
The only piece I didn't really enjoy so much was the redunancy of the final lines, which I thought could have been written somewhat differently.
But overall I really liked it.
Thanks so much for your entry.
~Elizabeth~
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Just watch the grammar (your/you're). I liked it though - very raw and eloquent.
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thank you!! haha
wow I didn't see that (your/you're) hehe
Thanks a lot.
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wow.
i really like this.
it's very touching.
very real.
you can really write from the heart.
good luck.
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I loved this it was painful and expressive. i have felt exactly like this
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Of all the ones right now I am speechless. This has truly touched me in a way. I know the feeling. I can feel it so real by your writing.
Best of luck in life and my contest.
SILENCED ONE
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