Shuttered eyes are bloodshot now,
as empty rooms scream echoes
of tomorrow
(while meaning rusts,
the excuses we bathed in
are staining the drain).
Peeling back the
shreds
of what was[n't] left,
I lost the music again -
suffocating on two step fallacies
& innuendo
you dreamt of cracks
in caskets & cerulean eyes
while I swallowed
sound & waited for
sundown
(because the cold
meant something)
Author notes
I'm afraid this might be a little cliche 0.O
I'm sorry if it is
P.S. [For contest]: 18
A contest entry
- Love AND PAIN by Ben and Brook.
300 points, ended April 28, 2008, 37 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - TEENAGERS - We're not all thick, yeah? #2 by LaurenLightning--x.
730 points, ended May 7, 2008, 42 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Honesty would be lovely
Comments
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You eat my heart.
I am not all for the praise but this tears out insides. The fact of cliche - I agree the threads through out may be but the poem, the style, the words are the difference. You touch hearts and break moods with motions.
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VERY VERY GOOD! Amazing.
-
so explain what is cliche about this, maybe the subject matter has been done a "few" times before, but the way you write it makes it seem so very, very fresh.
I love you work, I really, really love it.
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lol - cliche huh? seriously, if it wasn't for the darkness there would be no teenagers
I am SO happy to be reading you again my friend - your words always dig right into my soul!!!!
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