She had a sequin in her hair,
fore days it nodded and laughed
; silent to the last
as I strained for the sound
of her ashes on the wind,
love-making in the fissures of sky,
swallowing
and I wept for the things
I could not catch
14.04.08
Author notes
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A contest entry
- i smoke and i drink and every time i think i have a tiny dream by Confetti Fairy-x.
800 points, ended April 22, 2008, 8 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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so sad, yet so beautiful. again, i can relate to this... i lost a friend in a car accident two years ago, and this piece makes me think of her a lot. wonderful, wonderful work. you've got me hooked already!
♣ Tegan -
Such a sad, but beautiful write. Definitely worthy of the gold. Also thanks for the comments on my poem.
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Intricate and Beautiful.
You wow me.
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and I wept for the things
I could not catch
Still lovely and captivatingly powerful.
And I am still left envious...
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"as I strained for the sound
of her ashes on the wind,
love-making in the fissures of sky," - those lines must be the definition of brilliant or something. The last couplet is very expressive.
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I love your word useage. It's always SOOO good. (haha see mine isn't)... "love-making fissures of sky".... that was my favorite line.
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i am always pleased with the imagery and richness of thoughts in your pieces like this one.
short and to the bone.
keep penning.
HENSLEY
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dont have much to say.
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such delicate words....
and the ending was beautiful but so sad...
i love this.
♥
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i strongly disagree..
i feel it is immaculate on its own without so many lines..
this was just gorgeous..
♥
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ooh loverly. i felt it could maybe do with one more line, but i like that you kept it short and sweet.
"silent to the last
as I strained for the sound
of her ashes on the wind," that bit is very beautiful and visual.
did you mean "for" or "four" in the second line, am not sure how "fore" makes sense, but maybe it does.
love this.
"and i wept for the things
i could not catch"
- i know how that feels.
this is really beautifu
thankyoo for entering honey <33333
x Conny x -
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It's supposed to be said in your head the same as 'for', but hint at fore, as in before...
Not sure if it works yet.
Thanks m'luff -
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mmm i thought that initially but then thought maybe that was pushing it too far and it may have been a typo =] heh. i guess it works. leave it as is
loveyoo sweets x
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I with Faith; always so much said in so few words. Be gone exams, be gone!
Kathleen
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Couldn't agree more. Horrible things
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I wish you wrote more often.
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After my exams are over I am sure I will. x
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