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the finish line

these thoughts like the ticking clocks
these thoughts, these thoughts, they never stop
there's a little boy in these old shoes
staring politely right on through

Simulate your blessings now go ahead
all these words and nothings said
one can cross the finish line
Win the race but lose their mind

a bruising faith until we grow old
All the things we swallow whole
plastic faces, worn out places
and  still you are convinced
how false an innocence

i thought we were forsaken, maybe I'm mistaken
yet in the silence after
life's a beautiful disaster
and the shadows there on your wall?
well, in the dark you can't see them all

searching for a miracle? maybe you're hysterical
a bruising faith is still a bruising faith
but the choice you choose
is the choice you make

so I'll stare politely as i pass you
little running boy in these old shoes
one can cross the finish line
Win the race but lose their mind

Author notes

re-tittled may 23 09

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Comments

1 - 12 of 12
  • YEA!!

    Funny--This made me think of my boy and his growing into man hood at some piont--The third stanza Incredeble!! As well as the whole thing!


    • teddybare gold member
      June 1
      Edit | Reply

      thank you

      i want to just say ill return the comment .. however i seem to be quite popular here all of a sudden and am bombarded with comments ... not complaining tho .... i love it so thanks tho my return may take a while .. if you like we can cut out the middle man and please feel free to send me a link for one you prefer i read

  • the fifth stanza floored me...that is my blood, if that makes any sense to anyone other than me..lol oh, i am blown away here...love the whole thing...you are so gifted...the flow is something i love about this...its fleshy, not at all mechanical...this, like all you do, has a heartbeat and a gold soul...this brought out some surprising emotions for me...but then again, its you beautiful.

  • Now, dare I comment?
    Okay, can't resist it lol.

    Im lovin it, but hey you knew that right? so ill tell you why I love it instead

    The first verse has a really,um, lol, lost for words now... It sort of just reeled me in. I like the laid back feel, and the repetitive feel, as if you were actually sat there talking, its a really nice quality.

    I also love the idea of the "little boy in these old shoes", cos it, well okay dnt know why, but i liked it, it moved me some how.

    Oh n the concept of a bruising faith too, very evoccative

    Oh n plastic faces worn out places

    okkaay okkaay, so I like it all, actually I like it a lot, it might even be my new fave lol, how many times have i said that lol?

    sooo since your the new armitage, can i have ur autograph?

    Nice write, as always
    T

  • I like this, and I definitely sense a bit of influence from "the Fray" song "How to Save A Life". I have to agree with Keyser on the title though.
    Also, "so and"... think that's a typoish thing.
    Good write.


    • teddybare gold member
      May 22
      Edit | Reply

      hmmm .. nope

      thats not the song that was in my head ... it was um .. another one more obscure...
      grrrr rah.. idk

    • teddybare gold member
      May 22

      Edit | Reply

      i thought of the song

      you know how it goes ... and i could not for the life of me remember the name or who done it .. thats fuckin it!... i think ... ima go listen now

  • I think you mean 'religiosity', no?
    Interesting write, and true.
    Individuality mere remnants of fear I'm afraid. Something we shall never be rid of until it's too late...


  • Breezie
    April 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I love this poem!! I love the imagery and metaphors and the theme. This is great!!!!!!!!


  • silent28mystery
    April 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A pretty good thought. I love the last two lines which are repeated twice in the poem. A great fact of life indeed. Great read

1 - 12 of 12