We meet at the temple
and kiss
beneath Tin Hau-
the goddess of the sea
will have to
bear our romance.
Before leaving,
we burn incense.
My grandmother told me
to ask for
compassion and
good health,
and I need both.
Outside I feel small
beneath the
colorless skyscrapers
so I watch the water,
and look as far as
I can see
but I don't think I
will ever see the
other side.
We buy synthetic
shark fin soup
and kiss again, but
I am still thinking of
America-
pictures of New York
remind me of Hong Kong,
but the water is
colder there.
The grey buildings
are deadening to my eyes
and make me feel
alone in a crowded city.
I would rather go to
California,
where everything
is perfect.
Today there is
a new year festival
which lines the streets
and we watch
hand in hand as
women bustle past
in colorful dresses,
men haul fireworks
for tonight,
after sunset.
The spring lantern festival
is for romantics
so we walk through
gold and red
lanterns, restaurants
and paper fish
which glisten and hang,
illuminating the street-
and this is the part
I love of Hong Kong.
We kiss again
and this time
I do not think of
California
or good health
only the moment
Author notes
oltre
6/100
hong kong. minimum 60 lines.
A contest entry
- and the orchestra plays on by autarky.
750 points, ended May 30, 2008, 11 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
rip it
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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I really like the way this flows, and the way you kept it all together and parallel and focused. this was a really interesting poem, although the contrast between a gray hong kong and the suddenly bright and festive hong kong confused me - the transition was a little abrupt.
but I have to give you a few personal brownie points (it's wrong, I know) just for writing about what is the most important holiday of the year for me. thanks for entering! -
69
ARE YOU SHITTING ME?!?!?!?!!?!
thats to ap, not you. it wouldnt post my comment because i changed my name and had to re-login.
heres the long and short of it:
you lost points because you referenced new york and drew away from the original contrast of california and hong kong. you lost a lot more because the california thing was a bad choice anyways. it completely made me forget how gray the city was before you made the contrast.
i applauded you for using the kiss as a bookmark but cautioned that in that type of situation, you need to make sure some character growth is evident. and i praised the title for hilighting what i felt was a very good theme messed up by a couple of bad image choices. -
you always have that way of hitting hard, such an underlying emotional depth to all your work, you can't help but leave it still dwelling on what you've just read. Amazing as always
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I loved the beginning stanza with the grandmother, we all need compassion and health don't we.
I really like how you bring America into it as well, it gives the piece perspective.
You have some really great images, the wording is simple but at the same time it gives depth.
I really like this piece Cassidy, really nicely done.
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all that stuff ,,, and the restaurant, lanterns, their colors and jewel like mystery ... the goddess of the sea barely able to recover anyway ... the greys of the east and the flambouyance of the west, old, morose cities and younger, flower petal chaos cities ... then comes the last line
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Truly beautiful.
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