Silently i sat in the depths of space
crouched in the corner awaiting my fate
Others look on with curiosity
and wonder how i came to be
but theres nothing to explain
it only brings back my personal pain
i keep my feelings locked up tight
and bury it deep with all my might
the past begins to fade
with each passing day
i struggle to keep on with my life
its something of a personal strife
but its about time to let loose this ocean
and bring fourth all my emotion...
Im the leader of my own demise
soul creater of my social desguise
Hoping you will break through the wall
that traps me in as i fall
oh please just carry me
please pick me up off my knees
put an end to my internal fight
guide me with your eternal light
and save me from wrighting this grim chapter in my book
the path that far to many have took
please it will only take your love
to lift me up high above
Just give me this liberty
to make you my love to be
your the only one that matters to me
lead me with your symphony
Your the only one that can save me now
please just show me how
A contest entry
- Love Poetry Please by FallingTwilight.
390 points, ended April 16, 2008, 40 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Love AND PAIN by Ben and Brook.
300 points, ended April 28, 2008, 37 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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wow long but powerful. loved it
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The rhyme, overall, is predictable, and it's forced in some places. The metre's inconsistent and that alone is distracting enough. Also, whatever happened to spellcheck? You would definitely benefit from a) keeping your poetry consistent and coherent,
metre and poetic devices, c) rereading your work before posting.
I have to go to class now, but if you'd like a full-length critique, let me know. I'm more than willing to give one.
-Cristina -
Wow.. this was so beautifully written.. The emotion in this was just pouring out of your words, and that is very rare.. Well done..
Jetleena
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wow that was an awesome poem i loved it.. i can so relate to those feelings. & you did a good job expressing them! wonderful!
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very well written....i love the "lead me with your symphony" part
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It is beautiful, youve finally put what ive been feeling into a poem thanx ur poem is an inspiration to me!!!!
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A++
Awesome write. I hope you will continue. Would love to see more from you in the future!
"Im the leader of my own demise
soul creater of my social desguise"...I love it -
Welcome to Allpoetry
This is a sad write. I'm not sure who you are talking about in this poem but I hope they can help you. I think that in the end we all have to help ourselves to some degree.
Thanks so much for sharing.
If we need any help here at AP please don't hesitate to contact myself or any other online Greeter. We are always willing to help
gaylene
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yes you are so true while asking this question in the end..this is the life and love as well..you have described it so beautifully....
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