Your words are
Bullets
they ricochet off of every tear.
You breathe
smoke-rings
of sweet lies,
and whisper them in my ear.
I cringe
when I hear the creaking of
footsteps on stairs
as the doorknob to my sanctuary
turns counterclockwise
Like a jet-engine pylon
Holding the puzzle
Together
I cling to what is here
What I know.
The alarm clock
Blares deception
Like the foghorn of a ship
On the Submerged Rocks
But then again
What do I know.
Author notes
I am surprised by this one, I actually like it. ^^ I tried I hope i did alright ^^
A contest entry
- all poets love to roll words around in their mouth ~take 2~ by Star of Atlantis.
600 points, ended April 30, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
I like the way you set this up, as though each stanza is a separate thought or action, then the ending is pretty funny, I like
-
the last two lines of this made me laugh... i like how casual they are. the poem has some really great lines in it and i know that you put them in there to make this contest all that much harder to judge. doorknobs that turn counterclockwise. this made me think about which way they actually do turn and you know i think it may depend on the door... but the idea of that being a bit darker then just turning it makes those lines more intreging. like going into the basement or tower of some mage's house where all the magick is done and sneeking around when you really shouldnt be. i like that the lies are smokerings... what a poiniant and good way to talk about lies. i hate lies and do my best not to do them. sometimes i am too blund but for sure they are like smoke rings that tie you up in knots i will remember that and the thought it provokes and somet time it may spill out of me at a lier... as to the first lines abut the words being bulletts taring into our tears... this is a lot like some song lyrics i know from sixpence and none the richer that says questions flew and your words were hurled into the air and when the smoke had cleared i saw you lying there. too many words come from my mouth i wish would remain unsaid i used my words to pick your ego off like skeet flung in the galery of fools.... so true of all arguments between lovers... nicely penned.
-
well played out script . I really thought the second stanza is the kicker. This just one great line in my mind. So hard to really write with a word bank sometimes. done good.
You breathe
smoke-rings
of sweet lies,
and whisper them in my ear.
Adding your comment:
