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$296 Bargains

I should go see the rapist.
Those $300 an hour talks
psyche psychoses,
turn them into purple bruises
on my forehead.

Afterwards I'll have coffee.
An upper society moment at Starbucks
where the experts could discuss
the ink of fear spreading
across my battered psyche.

They could discuss how abusive therapists
worry about income at $300 an hour;
how purple seems more prevalent
on the impressionistic skyline.

I could hum my surrender
to the gods of the night
in caffeine and sugar overtones.

I got raped only twice today.
I think I prefer being charged
$296 less.

Author notes

I had to write something abstract. I hope this was abstract enough.

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 13 of 13

  • luckynsincere
    April 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Tanzy,

    I adore this poem. Not only am I completely lost, but actually enjoy stummbling through this page over and over. I think I have to disagree with Bear... it is very abstract. Mostly because you can go basically anywhere with this. Raped and rapist no doubt was a creative theme to go by, but be careful with the "gibberish" because it is not always the best route to take. As I prefer you replace the gibberish with meaningful wording.... just make sure your the only one that holds the true meaning of the way you have potrayed the word. I actually like this. I feel that you really stepped up your game.... the only true bargains in life are the ones we pay for dearly Nice job.
    Mel

    your score: 97


  • LadyDementia gold member
    April 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is very well done. Abstract isn't easy as you don't want them to guess but it needs to relate and make sense, I went mad with mine This had good imagery with it, love the reference to Starbucks. Superb flow overall a great piece, good luck


  • Arkbear gold member
    April 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Hehe ~

    Hi tanzy.......this is well done....and those crazy doc.'s are a great Theme to bring into a write :)

     

    I felt your 3rd stanza was the weakest, but nonetheless, a wonderful job on how we are raped mentally and monetarilly (sp) by doc.'s who are just as sick as their patients ~

     

    Loved the 4th stanza....da bomb!

     

    This is not as abstract as I would have liked, but it is still a wonderful job at adding to my headache trying to figure it out...hehe ~

     

    This is why I love abstract....it can be read in so many ways.....and the Author gets to sit back and watch us squirm :)

     

    Nice job!

     

    ....good luck,

     

    Score is based on complexity for me:  97.75

     

     


  • ravensgift
    April 14, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Wow. Powerful.


  • Jonathan Wikkins silver member
    April 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    very abstract piece here...
    the "rape" metaphors really set questions in the mind...

    best of luck, i've got my leather skin on, hope you've got yours on, bear's about to start judging! lol

    mike, aka jonathan wikkins


    • tanzanite
      April 14, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you Mike. I tried a play on words with the rapist and rape themes. Combine them and you get ...

      I have a leather skin when I know something cannot be improved upon. I know that the Bear will once again help me to turn this into something fantastic. I always look forward to his comments.


  • Corvus Corone
    April 14, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I love this piece Gaia, its off the wall. Artistically yes it is abstract, poetically abstract I don't know, but from an imagery view yes it is. Unfortunately I am discovering poetry and art do not often agree on form. Going back to my easels.......

    • tanzanite
      April 14, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I am glad you loved it. I tried wordplay etc. I hope that people get that. I know there is a difference between art and poetry, this form of abstract poetry I got from one of the links Bear posted on the challenge. I hope it will do better than my first attempt.

      • Corvus Corone
        April 14, 2008

        Edit | Reply
        Maybe not so different, abstract art makes you think,makes you look again, is that so different from abstract poetry, I don't think so. Just my thought the Bohemian world will no doubt kick me down it usually does.


  • Tattboyspet
    April 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "purple bruises
    on my forehead."
    wonderful description!
    lol - if you want a really good example of abstact you should check out http://allpoetry.com/markgrif - he writes so abstract sometimes that I haven't a clue what he's saying!!!!

    • tanzanite
      April 14, 2008

      Edit | Reply
      I went there and you are right, he writes very abstract pieces. I got this from someone called the Prague writer. I felt more comfortable with somewhat abstract and little things thrown into the mix than complete gibberish like some others do. I will enjoy reading Mark's stuff though.


  • vibes of heart
    April 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i really feel its a great write. liked it. very different theme and yes of course - abstract..all the best to you in the contest...

    • tanzanite
      April 14, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      To you as well. I will be along shortly to look at your entry too. Thank you for taking the time to comment on my entry.

1 - 13 of 13