Morning light still dim, still young
Day still dark, still not begun
I rose, awake, and seeking the sun
And found instead snowflakes to catch on my tongue.
The snow tastes like memories of brighter days
Before we left to go our own separate ways
The snow tastes like sunshine, encrusted in ice
Sparkling but white, so small yet precise
And would taste almost sweet if it wasn't so cold
Reminding me of days weary and old
Where are you now? Do you remember my name?
Have you died from the darkness, your darkness and shame?
I loved you once, my friend, my foe
But that was so so long ago.
I think it was you I missed the most
And I almost mourn for the friendship I lost.
But did you find others to ensnare?
Do you still have that lock of my hair?
How many hearts have you chosen to chill?
The days have gone, traitor, but I love you still.
Author notes
It's a really bad poem, but I wrote it from the heart, so perhaps you will be able to glimpse the dark emotions behind it.
A contest entry
- STAY. by DAMSELx.
420 points, ended May 29, 2008, 30 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Love That Just Wasn't Meant To Be by BlackSwan.
550 points, ended May 17, 2008, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Largest Contest On AP!!!! by xxRainbowDawnxx.
3000 points, ended August 26, 2008, 1705 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - anything your heart desires, prewrites, new, everything! by wendymolly.
555 points, ended July 27, 2008, 41 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
I most likely will not be revising this.
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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I loved the way you really put your feelings out htere on the chopping block!
and for that you are a contest finalist!
take care always!~pithyAplomB.
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very good
beautifully written especially by someone so young
more than deserved the silver.Keep up the good work
best wishes George ++++ -
This poem is wonderful!! I can't believe you think it is bad. the imagery is incredible. this is very well written.
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Its a beautiful memory. I love the rythm, it's not bad at all.
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you did a wonderful job.. and no poem that is written from the heart is bad.. You did a wonderful job here..
The image that you created was very vivid and shows your emotions very well.. well done.. Thank you for sharing.. and best of luck..
Angel
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This poem is emotionally captivating. I loved the originality of your rhyming. It wasn't cliche but it really worked out nicely. Lovely write.
-Thank you for your entry, Angi Terese -
This nearly made me cry, it made me think of some things I don't think I can safely think of without crying, but it's beautifully written.
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Very nice and meaningful write, my best wishes in the contest.
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???
This is NOT a bad poem, crazy. I actually REALLY and TRULY enjoyed this! I love the closing lines. Good luck in my contest!!
--DAMSELx -
Wow, this is amazing. I love how you use the seasons for this poem and yet the darkness you have to find by reading between the lines. Amazing! Beautiful! There are a few spelling mistakes a did notice. As such 'oters' could be 'others' and 'wsnt' could of been 'wasn't'. Other than that Amazing over all.
Beautifuldisasterxx
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