Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

Disenchantment dream-stream

A sojourn to seek oblivion,

squandering another better

spent elsewhere fall

evening in isolation among

the babbling

inaccessible lonely reaching

with clenched fist

toward "anything 'gotta be

better than this"

shortness of grasp at

"I would give if I

had any to spare" change of venue

trials in daily news

chatter to keep abreast in

the hand is worth a

finger in the bush where I may

take a piss at home

as lightning sees me silhouetted

against an alley wall

by dumpsters I live in until

rescued by hit

squad uzi fire that blows

open my chest

of drawers loaded with black

lace panties opened

at the crotch promising deliverance

to save me the last

dance with my daemon.

 

Author notes

"Daemon' the last word in this poem is being used in the Jungian sense as being the part of one's self which looks out for the rest of the personality; and is not just an old spelling. This poem represents a brake from my usual style. Poetry that shows from the inside rather than telling from the outside. A dream with it's weird logic of the subconscious seemed a good place to start.

A contest entry

First impressions, line breaks, improvements?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 12 of 12

  • grassisgreener
    August 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I just read "Golden Compass" which includes daemons as manifestations of the soul, so the ending here is right up my alley. I really like the stream of conscious style of this piece, although I'm not sure yet what I think about the substance. the "squandering another better" line bothers me because I don't see the connection between it and the "fall" in the next line. the ending speeds up with image flowing into image, and I like the underlying sexual connotations. I might be taking this the wrong way, but are you describing having sex with your soul? In any case, cool poem, I'll be back. Thanks for entering.

    • the atlantic
      August 15, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      the his dark materials series are amazing!
      • WritingWretch silver member
        August 18, 2008
        Edit | Reply

        That is an accurate assesment but Pulman himself

        admitts the series is a hugh rant against organized religon most espically the Catholic church,who has banned it; just as they did Gallieo's evidence that the earth moves around the sun. How things don't change, huh?

      • grassisgreener
        August 15, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        i've only read the first book but i loved it
    • WritingWretch silver member
      August 14, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Does one ever have sex with anyone else. Are our views

      of others anything but manifistations of our own inner selves? You can't understand or empathise with anything you have no knowledge. So perhaps your assesment is correct. Weird huh?
    • WritingWretch silver member
      August 14, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Did you read my author's notes on the who coined the word daemon?

      The lines you mentioned are enjambed to pull the R along to the next line and in this case to allow double meaning to emerge. Try reading it as a sentence with two meanings eg.
      squandering another better spent elsewhere fall evening... or meant as : a fall (from grace) better spent elsewhere. According to Jung's definition I would be dancing with the part of myself that looks out for the rest of my personality, thus saving myself from ultimate harm. There are highs and low of charecter in ourselves that we are not even aware of and can only be allowed to surface in our dreams, so I can only leave the essence of the dream up to the cord struck in those who read it, like most poems one must look within to see the individual meaning. It's a dream after all.

      • grassisgreener
        August 14, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        thanks for clarifying! you know you should check out jazzalternative on this site his philosophical style is very similar to yours, you might find his stuff interesting
  • Virgoan
    June 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    contemporary and indeed the tone of personal matter lies within.

    Keep sharing your gift.


    HENSLEY


  • Poetryintheblood silver member
    April 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for your entry, good luck, Josie
1 - 12 of 12