A bug by day glowing beauty by night,
he glides on warm air in hunters view.
A child's dream seeing fireflies flight,
as they run through fields of moonlit dew.
Have you ever seen a jar of light shine,
placed on a blanket for lovers to see.
As a sweet scent lilts and begins to blow,
the twain share a kiss beneath oak trees.
A tiny creature with so much mystique,
it's short lived treasure hard to compare.
Save for love his future rather bleak,
for this his worthy light he shares.
Love may grow by nature's prized esteem,
but remember beauty can't always be seen.
Shakespearean sonnet My first try
Comments
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The first part of this ...
is very good. The problems start with this:
the twain share a kiss neath oak trees. (beneath oak trees)
You're used an archaism to cut out a syllable that's needed for the meter anyway. Odd way to do things.
A tiny creature with so much mystique,
it's short lived treasure hard to compare. (its short lived treasure)
Save for love his future rather bleak, (Save for love, his future)
for this his worthy light he shares. (inverted line, another archaism)
The last line there is the only really bad line in the poem. All in all, you've not done too badly with this. If you fix the errors, you'll have a fairly good poem.
Thanks for entering.
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I like the imagery used in this and the last few lines were especially good.
It really showed and said everything about fireflies that makes you like them or is mysterious and amazing about them.
Great Poem!
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well done! i can feel and see the image of fireflies at night. after reading this beautiful piece of art. thanks for sharing
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