Prologue
I was only human for 17 years so I'll explain as much as I can....
I was born in 1856. Lizzie was my only sibling, as well as my twin. Our parents were murdered right in front of us when we were 7 years old. We ran out of the house trying to get away. We did get away from the murderer, but we were lost, scared, cold, and confused by then. We found old food in trash cans, but got tired of that and started stealing. Life was very hard. I could feel Lizzie starting to hate humans by the way she would look at them as they passed by.... I understood her anger, and felt the same way. Humans are so selfish, they only care about themselves. Lizzie hated how we lived on the streets and no one gave us a second glance. It was always easy for me to tell what people were thinking by looking at there body language and the expression on their faces. Not one of them was forgiving.... It was a very hard life. We lived it for ten years, until there was a new moon one night…
We were digging around some trash cans in an ally when Lizzie cut her finger on some glass. I didn’t think it was very bad, but immediately started looking in a nearby trash can for an old rag I could tie around Lizzie's bleeding finger. All of a sudden, I heard a low hiss from somewhere behind me. The next thing I knew, there was a large, dark creature lunging at Lizzie. She fell over with it on top of her and suddenly started screaming in horrible agony. I grabbed an old chair and swung it at the thing on top of Lizzie with out a second thought. It looked at me and ducked. I spun around and let go of the heavy chair. I could hardly hear the clank it made over Lizzie’s agonized scream. Then the thing hit me and I fell over. It was on top on me instantly. Taking the same pose it had had when it had been on top of Lizzie. It opened its mouth and I could see sharp, white fangs. The thing then bit me on my neck- its mouth lingering there for a long minute. It chuckled wickedly and pulled away. It felt like my neck was on fire. The pain was so intense that I started screaming even louder then I had when it attacked Lizzie. My whole body went numb with pain. My breath was coming in quick gasps. Everything was blurring, but I swear I saw the creature looking down at us with a smug, satisfied look on its face. I passed out...
Author notes
Ok, so this story is NOT mine!!!
It's just an amazing story that my friend wrote, and I wanted to get other people's opinions on it.
Anyway, PLEASE leave comments!!
Oh, and ignore all the spelling and grammar mistakes for now---I'm fixing them for her over time.
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed!!!
[Reward: double points]
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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So far so good....I liked it. I might add a little more detail in the beginning some of it seems a little rushed. I kind of tend to do that myself i always have really good ideas for stories, but executing them is really hard for me. I think overall the story is really good, but you just might want to look more at it and revise it a little bit and it will be even better. I'm sure there is more to the story and this is just the rough draft, but I would love to see the final copy.
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Thank you for the awesome comment! I'll let my friend know what you think! =D
And yes, it's basically a rough draft. No editing, revising, nothing like that.
If you wish to read the rest, I think I posted everything she has so far, since it's pretty long. lol
Thanks again for the comment! =D
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your friend is a good story teller i like this write. now im so gonna go write my horor story lol. tell your friend she should make a short miniseries or if she has patience a nove (impossible for me)
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LOL Have fun with your horror story! =D
I can picture this as a movie, so I'm going to try to convince her to do so or something like that. She has tons of stories she writes, so yeah...lol
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I liked it a lot and I thought the ending was wonderful because it left the reader to come to the conclusion they wanted...allowed them the oppurtunity to finish it themselves. Makes me wonder if other saw it the way I did or if Im alone in the ending I chose for the story, thank you for sharing
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Cool. I'm glad you liked it. I'll half to let her know, because she's having trouble believing me that this story is amazing. lol
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Wow.... It's really good but I kind of skimmed since it was so long and I"ve read parts of this already. But I still like it a lot!
. Rewarded 4
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