Tangerine wings unfold upon my
weak, newborn back
dried by the pristine golden sunlight -
burning in my tender eyes
easily flapping your flawless wings
catching the summer air - with ease
off you go – drifting among emerald tree leaves
careening, twirling your fabulous dress
through russet limbs, and cracked skin
leaving me to blindly follow
tripping through slow afternoon breezes
silky wings pumping furiously -
but getting no where...
as you glide easily, under the jealous glare
of many, whom gawk at your shallow beauty
riding upon your burdened back
Author notes
This is like a partner (more like a continuation) to:
http://allpoetry.com/poem/4096977 "Her Ruby Wings"
I'm not sure if I like the title because the first line starts out with it.
Anyways.
I may do some editing here... But...
~ Enjoy
In a list
Be honest here.
Comments
1 - 31 of 31
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Great stuff indeed
I detect a fondness of butterflies here.I do like it a lot. Hope that I like the rest of your poetry which I plan to view pretty soon.Nice use of words.
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Excellent! I do agree with you on the title, but unfortunately, I can't think of anything to replace it with.
But I get a good sense of something beautiful waiting to fly out of this poem. Great work!
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This is so touching, I love it!
Excellent work! My heart was filled with so much emotion as I read this poem. I feel it! Write on my dear. Thanks for your comment on my poem also. -
Excellent
Great take on this prompt. Best of luck in the contest
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Loved it !!!
I loved this write.. you are very good and thanks for reading mine I am not as good as you are thanks for the share ..... and also thanks for the comment on mine
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you carried a nice theme here. I thought this poem was beautifully written.
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Lovely write. Thank you for entering the contest, good luck.
♥
whisper
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This was very well put together I would not mess with the name. You can feel this poem really good becasue of the flow great work with it thanks for reading one of my poems that means a lot SH
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There is nothing wrong with the title. The only idea might be Drifting.
The emerald leaves makes me think of the fairy tale of the 7 dancing princesses. such a contrast with the monarch and just as royal.
very nice poem. I hold my breath as before butter that flies -
excellent expression
Your words tell such a tender story of this butterfly, new life, and the how some take advantage of her gentleness and beauty.
You provide the reader with some very vivid images in this poem.
Good luck in the contest!
Ethereal One
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nice
nice descriptive write for the prompt . . liked "drifting among emerald tree leaves" and "your shallow beauty riding upon your burdened back" . . good luck in the contest -
Beautiful
This is very well crafted and the word choice works perfectly for maximum imagery and tender emotions. I love it. ~Peace~Gar
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Wow. I love this. its amazing
thanks by the way. ^_^
lovely poem. -
very well written..and has a graceful entrence..i like what you've made of it and keep up the good work!
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I did...
i did enjoy this it has a graceful elagance to it. Smooth writing easy flow. Yes a very good poem indeed.
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First off, I really like your title - gives a soft feel of mystery which drew me in.
I love all your descriptive phrases and I think you have a depth to this which could be taken in various directions - making the reader "think"...lol
Very well done! Most enjoyable.
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I really think the comments below are very pedestrian for this piece.
This was an extraordinary piece.
It had a beautiful perfumed newly born feel to it.
It seems to have this graceful beauty as it unfolds before the readers eyes.
It was an absolute pleasure to read.
Great work lassie,
LOWELL POE
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well wrote my friend
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really nice description!!
nice write up!!
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Not bad ...
but you have a typo in line 15. It should be "who", not "whom". Otherwise, you've done a fairly credible job here. The fond color is very light and hard to read, but that's probably my eyesight going bad on me.
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Goose bumps....fantastic penned out... Well done.
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very nice
very nice write . . liked your descriptions . . also liked "dried by the pristine golden sunlight" and "silky wings pumping furiously" . . well done
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what excellent imagery! i can't get over how vivid it is!
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Very lovely imagery and wonderful feel of nature here. You have a light touch with your words that serves you well here... Great job.
Ken
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Beautiful story of nature! Well done...can see it in my head. My favorite part is: "dried by the pristine golden sunlight-burning in my tender eyes"
Thanks for sharing this beautiful image!!!
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I am extremely impressed ~ for someone of your age your writing is impecable. The beauty you create with your imagery is awesome ~ keep up the great work
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Truly inspiring...
Beautiful imagery and flow love your style. -
Hello
, after seeing your comment i decided to look upon your poetry, only to find this marvelous wonder in which my writing pales to.
However, I did have a few issues with your poem.
Could you perhaps explain to me your use of "flawless"
and "russet", they create a slightly awkward sense when read. Flawless because it alters the line meter, russet, because you describe limbs with it.
In addition in your final lines you state "
under the jealous glare; of many" the punctuation is improperly placed
Otherwise, it was absolutely marvelous
Arty
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the metamorphosis from cocoon to lovely monarch is rarely touched upon with such great style
Joe
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enjoyed
Title is catchy though.
I very much like the image of "silky wings pumping furiously."
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wow!!
hey wow!! THIS IS GREAT!! SOO ADDIN U AS A FAV!!
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