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A Lyrical Eidos (with oboebaybee)

The stars shone with pride
flickering with strange, exotic beats
upon her green electric eyes;
the band begins to play...

I see her sitting alone.
”Shall we do a dance?”
Her eyes answer in time,
”One long, slow and electric…”

She leans into me, dreaming…
”Your eyes are distant tonight.”

She replies with small hesitation,
“My mind follows my heart…”

”Is that him over there?”
”How could you have guessed?”
“There are tell tale signs;
here, I'll dance you over…”

She looks apologetically at me…
I give her my blessing;
“Let’s make your dance seductive…”

We dance closer, closing gaps
I feel her electricity rise
as I swing her nearer…

My eyes were for her,
her eyes were for him;
two dreams dancing on air

the melancholy tune weaving spells
in a slow soulful melody,
stars in her innocent eyes
dazzling with a million galaxies
the power that she holds…

Dreams intertwine with one another, 
excitement swims in syncopated beats
an oboe cries low, mournfully
a spell-laden mystic melody
sensuous, powerful, long, touching, lingering...

We grow near, her desire
her eyes, my eyes, his,
pools of deep liquid fire;
music reaching a final crescendo
with lonely notes trailing softly…

The music streams away, echoing
my eyes meet his, acknowledging
I move to surrender her
the prize he has won…

She is frozen, motionless, lifeless
he gasps as I gasp,
the music, she, together, gone…

We both caught the glimpse-
a warning label, barely visible
behind her red evening gown…
“Battery may explode or leak.”


He, I, stare blankly, puzzled;
then the answer hit us-

her battery, powered by music,
died as the song died,

a musical creation, mechanical, soulless;
she was a lyrical eidos…

So she stands, tilted, thoughtless,
her countenance reflecting pleasant looks,
waiting for the moonlit musicians
to strike up another tune
so she may dance again
with two hearts beating, waiting
as two stunned, foolish beaus
still have eyes for her…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

eidos- Greek for 'species'
in collaboration with oboebaybee
'Lyrical Eidos'- a gentler name for those musical androids...

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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • blackday
    April 20, 2008

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    As I was reading this poem, around the middle, I literally said outloud “will this end?” It just dragged on too long for me. I know what you were going for & I can respect that.

    You told the story & I enjoyed the “him, I, her” or whatever the order was sequencing. It was reminiscent of e.e cummings. The only thing was, I didn’t see anything else that stood out like that to me.

    The dialog at the beginning was weak. Sure, it dealt with the poem, but it was just, it didn’t show much talent to me.

    One of the first things I thought, though, was how I found, yet again, another music-related piece from you, Meg. You can write outside of that. I know you can.

    On the final note though, you guys blended well & I really liked that. :]


    • wbiro gold member
      April 20, 2008
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      yes, I read through the other writes and they are really great- but of all the same style- which this piece is waaaaaay outside of! They were a like a 'drug' that this piece did not offer... which was insightful to me in a literary sense, and fascinating to me in a psychological sense...

  • oldpoets
    April 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The work on this site is amazing. Every week some one comes along with magnificant work. This week you are top of the line. We need at least a gfour or a five for this wonderful piece.


  • Touchof1der silver member
    April 15, 2008

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    Like a mighty and powerful beacon of light, this beautiful piece shine brightly and stands out all on its own. Thank you for sharing and best wishes to you both of you in all of your endeavors. Keep that pen handy and ever ready for use dear poets. I think you will stir the masses with this one.
    ♥ Touchof1der


  • Mistress Masquerade
    April 14, 2008

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    that was the most intersting write i've had the pleasure of reading in a very long time. i'm glad its was featured. amazing work.

  • in-the-twilight
    April 13, 2008

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    i like it.....
    the word android though... that one word i dont like still...
    so like i said in the message we should get rid of that line....
    but if you want we can keep the title or change it to "Musically Powered" or something like that....


  • And Hyetal
    April 13, 2008

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    I clicked curiously, and I was pleasantly surprised! How did you come up with this?

    great write, I enjoyed it.

    ~Cassie

    • wbiro gold member
      April 13, 2008

      Edit | Reply
      well, it's one of those collaborations... so how did it happen- she asked me to collab (funny how the girls have to do the asking these days!); she picked a warning label (batteries)... then I suggested an arbitrary 5 words/line rule just for form and to create interesting verbal twists; then we began... she being a girl and I being a guy, I asked her to dance (in five words!) and the story unfolded as we interacted... then several rewrites, suggestions, experiments, and debates this way and that and it's almost done, I think; another review or two by me and my collab...


      • And Hyetal
        April 13, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        aaaah, I get it.

        so this is for project poetry? This is much better than I could've done.

1 - 11 of 11