On the rooftop
The day’s heat
locked in the house
percolates beneath you,
while your skin
breaths the cooling Night air.
The horizon won’t stop
nor will that pregnant
bank of undulating
water vapor
cease its march toward you,
stoking its passion to explode.
From here you can only behold.
Nostrils flare to the sweet acrid
scents pf ozone and iron dust.
Ambivalence is an option.
but the cleansing storm
fixes your gaze.
You can, but won’t look away
held in its trance.
The storm nods its knowing
the path through its heart
absorbs, purifies and joins.
The tempest eschews ambiguity.
Darting eyes
sense the forces
casting toward …and away…
and run from …and at.
This wrinkle in time
is a singular moment.
Where any motion
or stillness
is an act of allegiance.
The wash of past, present
and future choices converge.
Then we know the flatland of cusps.
A contest entry
- Celebrating Gold by Cupcrazy.
1400 points, ended May 13, 2008, 39 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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Converge. Convergence. I've been obsessed with that word for a couple of weeks now?
Im absolutely surprised you're just beginning, but fear not, I've been at it a little over a year.
You're just tapping into an incredible talent, and I am impressed. I wish you the best,
you're gonna go far, I'd predict.
Best,
jin
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Made me feel like all our moments are ones of choice, what we do with them entirely up to us. Strong images in this.
C
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Excellent opening stanza, creating the setting. Great description "day's heat locked in the house percolates beneath you." Excellent imagery "The horizon won't stop" and "undulating water vapor...stoking its passion to explode."
Intriguing "Ambivalence is an option." Lovely "cleansing storm." Delightful "the storm nods its knowing," and "tempest eschews ambiguity."
Intense "any motion or stillness is an act of allegiance."
It seems as if choices made at a convergence of time will carry us beyond sight across level flatlands, with nothing to impede or resist, nor any ability to redirect our course once that moment is past. "The path through its heart absorbs, cleanses and joins" sounds like a greater than human capacity, and a developing unity in purpose. Enjoyable write.
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Thank you Mirthryl for stopping by this little piece. I appreciate and am honored that Blue selected this in her contest that notes other writers.
"with nothing to impede or resist, nor any ability to redirect our course once that moment is past"
every moment in some ways is a choice. I appreciate you so for choosing to take this ride. You brought higher notions to its intent. A quality reader is a collaborator in the experience of the journey.
thank you for collaborating
RW
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So, so powerful. You once again have penned brilliance with words that really have an affect on us reading, each in our own original way. Many can relate i'm sure, and that's what is so lovely about your poetry is that when one can find themselves in the core of your poem, beginning or end, you have done your job as a writer, writing from personal experience to show others that we're not alone. Your imagery sways me, makes me really create these visions in my head as if this were a story book unfolding. Your poetic devices are greaty appreciated here, with words of such knowledge one would die for.
This is a beauty in the making. Never stop writing!
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Bella I am demonstrably humbled you could ride this piece so artfully. these are just little stories that frame events and choices I or someone near me faces. You are so kind to write such a detailed review. thank you
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Whoa!
That was an incredible story of healing and facing that which we may fear. You write it well from personal experience? 'Tis almost a vision to behold.
Write On~
)O(
DragonBlue
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I adore storms and your use of language here is exceptional...
I love these strong images of storms and blistering heat to describe the feelings of a loved one who can not or will not make up her mind....
Powerful and moving piece.
Beautiful write
Many blessings
~A~
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this is to me about so many things but i think i will give it to the emotions and feelings of going through a devorce. its lovely metiphorical in this way of thinking and i like it very much for being a voice i didnt have when it was my turn for the wheel of devorce. it reminds me of what my friend tells me of his home land in pakistan where at night all the people pull their matresses outside and sleep on the roofs and the poarches to escape the heat.... but to look at it that way makes it more literal and i think i prefer the metiphore. i am glad i was itroduced to your work bia you being featured in the conest
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Thank you Star. High quality, in depth reveiw, as is you usual standard. Yes this is absolutely metaphor, albeit most seem to focus on the storm. then the metaphor takes you where it will. I know the reference, but tried to make it broad enough to have multiple impacts.
as far at the roofs. when I grew up in west texas, the heat was blistering during the day, but would cool rapidly at night, much like a desert. the heat stayed in the houses. So it was cooler to go sit on the roof and loose your self in the cool night air and the milky way so bright you could touch it.
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this was about as enchanting as a southern forced storm in west aussie, where you will have 45 degree celcius days and suddenly in the hottest part of the day a fog of density and rainclouds wash over the sacred land, tearing us from our forgotten routine, we smell the air, and we know its going to storm. this can happen three or four days in a row. forgive the beast within if its a sensual piece. but yes we all must deal with ourselves as best we can, to avoid the pitfalls of an unhealthy relationship. but then again to know of loves storm to be coming is a wonderful, awe inspired feeling.
peace out.
jezz
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Thanks my man. I have a friend in Aus (Sydney) and much of the way he decribes the land and the people reminds me of Texas.
People in reading this tend to focus on the storm... purely metaphor, but I guess it is described in a way that makes folks sense it.
"forgive the beast within if its a sensual piece...."
That is why people are here... their beasts...
Yes sensual.... fearsome power of love's experience, being swept away, the gale winds of love, choices, choices, choices between courage and lost opportunity.... the tsunamis and purges of facing experiences and moveing through them.... decrying ambivalence.... choosing and not choosing ... and both are choices.
Thanks for reading and commenting
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Quite Extraordinary
I like " nostrils flare to the sweet acrid smell of ozone and iron dust" quite a combination
the sense of ambiguity prevails in this poem, with such hidden meanings that actually you want to keep on reading.
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We can be spellbound by an approaching storm and the smell is almost indescribable, but there is a scent unlike any other, pushing ahead of the rain long before it reaches us in a swell of air. This is a well defined moment...
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Thank you malmaadre for pausing and reading this piece. yes those moments of almost a burned molecule smell before the storm... olfactory slap
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There certainly is as you've so..well expressed here. Something powerful of seperation in a storm from history's revolutions.It gets my compleat attention in awh of something powerful yet indiscribable. Never understood those who can just take slight note of it and go on with routines.It isn't fear of power that enchants me with storms so much as admiration.Nice work.
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thank you suseann.
"There certainly is ...."
there certainly is what?
storms yes, but more. -
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thanks for filling in the blanks suseann. I am often stone dense
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I meant the metaphore of your piece in it's entire context. Sorry if I didn't relay my intent as well as I should have.I thought you might understand my comment.
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The titling is mesmerizing...
what an exploration in deeper thought!
I felt paralyzed as I read line to line
of an approaching monolith to magnify
our insignificant moments. Cusps is a word
seldom used and can symbolize so much.
This write certainly steps out of the box.
Blue
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this is both my history of growing up in west texas bowing before the awe of a encroaching storm, visible across ancient seabeds 50miles away. an envitable flurry of fury,
and a lover who can not/ will not make up her mind.
Cusps. yes. a power word. whole caverns and vists open at its utterance. I am always in bowing acknowledgement of your seeing.
Thank you Blue
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Outstanding!! This could be taken a few ways.. I like to think of it in sensual terms (funny that lol).. but also in terms of the melding of our past and future, whether we like it or not!
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hopefully it could have multiple layers. Yes this surge is generated from some intense sensual entreaties. that is sometimes the way it works. An inferno inside, quenched by more fire, or quelled by cooling waters. there is so much that taps the springs
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So very true!!! I find that myself..
Intense sensual entreaties hey! Good for you lol
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