Cold
hostile
winds howling
chilling to bones
awake to darkness
my surroundings surreal
climate changes overnight
bitter alone, numbness sets in
thoughts of spring intercede, then vanish
wide eyed I stare hoping to glimpse light, sun
days, nights falling blending winter's landscape
slow methodically world turns white
claustrophobia scratches back
pressurized to breaking point
boiling tears no control
last storm of winter
at least for me
tempest wains
peace reigns
death
Author notes
I believe this is an etheree...
trying to liken death to winter
A contest entry
- April Snowstorm (Form poetry only) by trista.
1000 points, ended April 27, 2008, 11 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Sometimes I think winter will be the death of me, and ours aren't even that long compared to some places. This is expressive, and the form is well done. You have made a very good comnparison!
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Hi Julie
Well...Bear is right that I'm probably not as picky about forms as he is.
Truthfully, this is the first form contest I've held because I didn't feel qualified to judge them before...and still not sure I am 100% ! 
Your diamond shape is pretty good...I still haven't figured out exactly how to get the aesthetics perfect myself, but I think font and line spacing has something to do with it, and I know there's only so much you can do unless you have a gold membership.
I loved your metaphor, but most of all this just fit so perfectly how I felt seeing all that snow. And would you believe, we just got over 6 inches again last night?
Personally...outside of a couple commas that would IMO slow this down and help a bit with clarity and rhythm, I didn't find a lot of problem with flow because most of your lines seem to be complete thoughts. But that might be the very reason Bear found this to be choppy, so obviously a lot still depends on personal opinion.
All in all, a very nice job you've done with this. Thank you so much for entering, and good luck. See you tomorrow in the PO contest!
Best wishes,
~J.
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Hi Julie :)
OK.....absolutely loved your effort to present this Double Etheree as a piece of Art, which it is :)
I would say a few of your lines could use a bit of tweeking for aesthetics, but Julie is not as hard on Formed,Syllabaic count Forms as I am, so you should be alright :)
Loved your Theme, but I personally felt your lines are a bit choppy, and the Flow is really obstructed in most parts......however, after I went back and read a couple more times....slower....the Flow picked up some for me.....but this is not the PO' contests, so I will shut up :)
Over-all....a Very pretty D E and some nice metaphores thrown in at just the right places......the best to you and your entry my friend,
...God bless you,
Bear ~
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In a way....when a person enters one
of your contests or Julie's...it's more critical than PO because you have such strict forms.....once I learn to COUNT
1 ha ha ha 2 ha ha ha.....then I will work on flow...
thanks again for all of your help!
*PEACE* -
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Edited my review...>>>>>
Your syllable count is spot-on.....Puuuuurfect!
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Hey Bear!
It looks right to me..
Don't know why I torture myself so...lol
anyway thanks for all of the comments
I will continue to work on these until I get one right!
Take care my friend!
all the best all ways...always
Write on and on!
*PEACE*
Julie
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