You played the game
a quarter a round
but you stole my heart
as you ripped my coins
from bare innocent hands.
A catchy tune
stuck in my head for hours
like the image of your face
Mr. Pacman eating away
at the pieces of my confidence.
each strike a mistake
the match was never equal
a two player game
and I happened to lose,
so take a stab
my darling
this is done, through,
ended
-game over.-
Author notes
oboebaybee
for project poetry round 1
prompt: arcade
A contest entry
- project poetry season one [first round] by blackday.
600 points, ended April 23, 2008, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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This is a good write.
I love this chick -
Well Meg, I'll agree with Tyler that game over is cliche. To be honest, the only thing that really stuck out to me as a class, good line, was your bit about Pacman. That is a really great line. But the rest of the poem was like, it was a mix of stuff. I think you can do better than this. Just make sure you focus your idea. The emotion's there, now you just need the poetic device-word play.
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I knew at least one person would use "game over" as their ending, which is why I avoided that ending; very cliche.
I do like your ideas, but I'm not sure if this is going to be up to par with the rest of the entries. This is a very difficult contest. Don't lose your confidence because you are very talented, good luck.
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i think you need some rewording in here. a little. maybe. overall, well done.
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first piece I've read in the individual round; I did read the collaborations from the others- all great writes, but all of the same school of writing, and this lies just outside of it (i.e. your piece is too understandable, the language too clear, the images too concrete, and the voice not pouting enough); but we shall see...
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Quite Beautiful
I love it Sweets! this is one mighty fine & powerful poem you have posted here. I really love the aspect and uniqueness you have for your poetry in contest sof this caliber as theyr eally open up alot of poetic eyes to how good you are as a poet. any ways love how you added in a classic arcade game into your poem from the prompt word. any ways good work here sweets & keep it up
Darkly Depressed AP Daddy =-P
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