-
the bar was so icy, so cold,
desolate and alone
the chill almost burns as i hold,
the steering wheel, destination home
-
he pushed me aside, drunk
driving fast, he ignores the frost
afraid and scared, my heart sunk
praying that no lives are lost
-
my seatbelt a chain, holding me here-
clamped on, his fingertip in my face
the car whips, he's blind to my fear,
as he puts me in my place
-
the night's so dark, so quiet
like the air itself refuses to breathe
his shallow thoughts like riots
blur his vision, he starts to weave
-
on impulse he grabs me, an angry touch
his grip is hard as he stares at me
like a dream, or such,
i see-
-
screaming i point at the light,
a car heading for us, speeding
he turns and he freezes at the sight
we can't move in time, the car, unheading,
-
a horrible smash, and pain
then i know no more
i wake to fire and strain,
its hot, and i'm on the roof or is it the floor?
-
burns on my face and hands
my head is swimming, tossed
staring as fire spreads, can't understand
i see the gas and know i'm lost
-
all for some stupid cherry lips
and a lot of beer
i can't help one last tear that slips
as it all disapears
-
Author notes
I hope this is what you wanted. It was a fun contest.
~i am nothing yet i still am~
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
-
the image isn't entirely clear to me, it just seems a little... hollow. The poem and feelings just seem empty to me. The idea is good, and I can't put my finger on what it is I didn't like, but there's just something.
-
-
Heh, that's fine, but if you figure it out let me know. I can't write stuff everyone likes but I try. If you find out what it is about it let me know and I'll try to fix it.
Thanks for the comment.
jan
-
-
um wow and DEAR GOD ALMITTE JAN!!
lol. that was intens lol but ya good
-
-
Thanks Jen, I'm glad you liked it? ;laughs; Yes, it was intense but that's what I wanted. Thanks for reading and commenting.
ur lil big sis,
jan
-
-
This was beautiful. Depressing, but beautiful. I loved it. The imagery of it was fantastic. Great work.
-
-
Thanks, it was a challege to write, but I like the way it turned out. I'm glad you do too.
jan
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 6 of 6
