spoken words

i finally spoke up.
i said what i felt.
said words that i shouldn't have.
but, i said what i felt.

said words that were cruel.
not the words you wanted to hear.
but these words i had been screaming.
only deaf to your own ear.

i'm sorry that i lied to you.
not sorry for what i said.
it was nothing but the truth.
thought you'd prefer sweet instead.

instead of my bitter rotten words.
i had to swallow everyday.
to ashamed of what i felt for you.
worried about what you'd say.

so i blocked out the old memories.
the laughs, the tears, the friend.
i found no other choice to make.
friendship to broken to ever mend.

so i guess you can say i gave up.
didn't call or try. just let go.
shattered our fragile mold.
let new bonds replace and grow.

ashamed of what i've done to you.
and what my growth has done to us.
the blame lays mostly on my side.
its my fault that you don't trust.

i don't know what else i can say.
besides that i've said just what i feel.
it may be harsh. it may be cruel.
but i assure you caitlin, its real.

my words weren't meant to hurt.
i only put them down to be heard.
you've taught me so many things.
so at least now i've learned.

so i hope no matter the damage.
i made an impact on your heart.
even if you don't believe me.
i owe you for one specific part.