I fell in love with him in January
During the icy cold whites of winter
We were just friends
Just a girl and boy who were both just so average
But at the same time so different
We were a sight to see
He was like cat
So shy and mysterious
While I was like a monkey
Friendly and energetic
What about him did I fall in love with?
I can't help but wonder
Maybe it was his deep coffee eyes
Or the darkness of his black never right hair
Perhaps I feel in love with how much he needed me
To pass math class
Or while in English
How jealous I was that he seemed perfect
But somehow
He loved me too
I'll never forget
That innocent white rose
That summer dance
That June
When you finally kissed me
And there was the perfect silence
Time has passed
Three years later
The same shy cat
The same friendly monkey
Holding hands
Looking up at the blue sky
And wishing for forever
Author notes
Five colors:
1)icy cold whites of winter
2)deep coffee eyes
3)darkness of your black
4)white rose
5)blue sky
Two months:
1) January
2) That June
Two emotions:
1)feel in love
2)How jealous
One gender based word:
1)Just a girl and boy
Three plant/animal words:
1)You were like cat
2)While I was like a monkey
3)innocent white rose
By name is raeraymusic. I had to make all that above to keep track! ^-^
A contest entry
- A Different Kind of Word Bank by Polaja.
1400 points, ended May 6, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything you wish by crazymomma.
450 points, ended April 16, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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A beautiful poem about young love. Some excellent imagery in there and a joy to read.
All the best in the contest...Sue
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Good emotion and analogy. Thanks for entering
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Thank you so much for all the comments! I made all the grammatical changes!
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wishing for forever is beautiful.
we all want forever and it seems to never be.
this is beautiful and innocent. -
This is sweet and has such resonance (even from my advanced years) I think you might consider dropping the indefinite article from "like a monkey" to match the previous line "You were like cat" Also, you switch from "him" (objective male pronoun ) to "you" (Second person pronoun; the person addressed) which, for me, hinders the flow. A nice storyline.
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Sweet!!! A very innocent poem of young love. I love the descriptions of you and him. Brought a smile to my face. Good luck in the contest.
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Very nice, sweet and true. I wonder if the change from /him/ to /you/ really works. I like the image of cat and monkey very much.
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Beautiful and sweet. Well done.
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I really love this!
It is so touching, and again, I do think that "feel in love" in lines 1 and 15 should probably be "fell in love"
Apart from that, EXCELLENT!
Good luck in the contest!
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This is a beautiful poem of first/young love
I really like the descriptives and concrete imagery... the only thing that I think I need to point out is that you missed a word - the one that had to be your favorite... I really liked the ending of this - so very sweet thank you for your entry!
Keep writing
Polly
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I like the title and the whole poem was beautiful and romantic. Perhaps 'feel' should be 'fell' in the first line. Good luck!
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I like deep coffee eyes!
Well penned. Best wishes in the contest!
Write on!
*PEACE*
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That was sweet... I loved this one for its in-depth imagery and figurative language... good creativity...
Thanks for sharing
Love
-Kiddy
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aww...so wonderful. your poem asks the age-old question of "why do i love him?"
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Very well done RaeRay, I think my favorite lines are the next to the last stanza, The rose and last dance are always something to remember. Good luck in the contest.
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