THE FEW
A sea of cauldrons
boil and cool,
bubble and stir…
So many,
So very many …
So very few.
The few are winged
and rise from
the roiling sea
and in the billows,
the rarity of being
Recognize themselves.
Kettles clang
until their porridge
is released,
and their irons
left to the will of
Gravity.
Now their spirit essence
they are
shed the raiments
of wounds…
they can breath
Each Other.
JOININGS
When revenant atoms join
colossal vitality detonates.
Phantasms and spirit electrons meld.
A new being molecule is born,
unlike and distinct
from its progenitors.
Elements and being
I know you…
You know me …
My fucking god!
Really…?
How could this be?
I don’t know….
Just when you let it go
its vicious hope
reminds you
of all you dared not wish…
Catch your breath.
You know you know
Rhythm is…
and when you sway,
Growth is organic.
All you can do
is extend your hand.
Know the rhythm
and swing to the dance.
Feel, then feel again.
the little deaths
are inconsequential.
My hand is extended.
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
-
Now their spirit essence
they are
shed the raiment
of wounds…
they can breath
Each Other.
but wait. . .
Elements and being
I know you…
You know me …
My fucking god!
Really…?
How could this be?
I love that stanza, sounds so much like me.
Yeah, this one too. Hypnotic. I would name this piece Hypnotic. It has that affect. Rhythmic. Yes, this one is
Excellent,
raiment should be singular.
what are friends for?
Jin
-
-
I was never happy with this piece. Liked the first half and the second half just never seemed to work. But I could not seem to fix it.
Mostly I loved the title and the image I have of a sea filled with bobbing floating cauldrons as a metaphor for humanity
-
-
Wow
I don't even know where to begin with this piece. You really inspire me to write poems such as these, broadening my herizon of vocabulary and poetic devices, and true meaning just overflowing with imagery, depth and colour.. no guidelines, just write with the rhythm of your heart. This is one poem such that I can read over and over and understand something new each time. The key to writing is through knowledge and most importantly, experience. You my friend, have massive amounts of both.
I really like how you have expressed THE FEW and JOINGINGS in the way you did, to show its importance in the overall meaning of the poem. This was jam-packed with beauty and shining brilliance, one I think the sun would covet.
Just amazing.. -
this is 2 poems in one. i think the first half through the line "from its progenitors." is the end of the first poem and the second one begins after that. i say this because the poem flips here in a way that i think detracts from the more profound and metiphorical first half... there is so much in the first half i almost dont know where to begin. i love the things that come to mind as i read that first half... the oregan coast, the devils punch bowl...than how it got smaller and became the cauldrens of old swing over a fire then even more clever how it melds into a womans womb and the comseption of a mirical. that to me is beautiful... this being said i must say that my favorite part was the following stanza
Now their spirit essence
they are
shed the raiments
of wounds…
they can breath
Each Other.
this is the soul of this poem. it is profound and deep and so touching that i think i will be thinking on it and how it will kick my muse into action. i may have even found my next contest idea in this stanza, but not sure just yet... i will get back to you on that. and if i have then i will FOR SURE link your poem and your tag to it. i have a poem called ... *grr now i cant remember the title of it* any way when i think of it i will come back and tell you. but in that poem i talk about how a memory can take you back to a place you forgot about and it still has the power to rip open the scars of your heart. this verse for me pulls me back into that poem and makes me remember why i wrote it. i love when i can see something simmiler in another persons works that i can relate to cause i have tryed and probably failed to capture in one of my own wrightings.
now on to the second 1/2 or rather the second poem... this is strait forward hurt mixed with love and possibly the kind of sex that throws a cupple into bed where they colide into each other rather than making love. the hungry and sometimes crazily violent kind. it is so different than the suttle metiphoric first poem that its like hitting a brick wall and your wondering what happened to the gentle drift of deep thought. please dont get me wrong this part is just as well thought out but its just a very different voice. i dont know if the poem would stand as well on its own if you were to seporate it into two. the first one would have no problem but the second one could easily drift into a rant or and i hate to use this to discribe anything... anxt. you may want to try seporating them but playing with each half to expand on the voices in each. if you do decide to do this experament. let me know and i will come and check both of them out too i loved the read thank you for sharing
-
-
Star, you and Blue note essentially the same thing... two very different moments and voices. I had not thought about 2 separate dyptyches, but maybe that is the was to move this thing forward.
this comes from a moment, a person, a flash of experience that demanded capture. I knew it was caudrons and sameness and distinctions and the first part wrote itself. The resolution was more awkward I fully admit.
What friends are you and Blue to help a cripple along. I very much appreciate it and am reminded this is not finished.
-
-
Vicious Hope...how true the pairing!
Just those two words impacted me...
and then the read surrounds in layers.
I find truth here, universal but so seldom
seen. The title pulled me like a magnet.
The first four stanzas flood with visuals
and meaning that pertain to the title and in turn,
set the reader's expectations for revelation.
The fifth stanza seems out of place and unnecessary
to me as it seems to take the spiritual essence
shown in water and natural elements and fling it
aside for the scientific or physical imagery.
But then when I progress to the next stanza, it
seems this shift is intentional as both elements
and being are set side-by-side in the first line.
The last stanza is a brilliant summation expressing
the core of the write...
to know what true life should be; to see each
thing in its true context and not through
distorted views that never lead to discovery.
Blue
-
-
Blue, I am always honored when you read one of my pieces. You embody a core position I have related to poems especially, but really all that is cast as 'art.' Setting aside the intrinsic value to the artist of pulling out whatever drives the media expression.... the extrinsic experience of a poem has two artists: the creator and the recipient. A recipient that braves immersion to ride where the artist thinks he/she takes the recipient, but in turn to expand the traverse to the frames and planes the recipient brings to the piece, turns the piece finally into its full expression. So often I have found, where graced with a recipient, a ride or interpretation I did not anticipate, often teaching me things about myself. In that view the reciepient completes the piece.
there is a lot of vague metaphor going on here, that really is about a specific person, and the quandries of joining 2 forces of nature.
Yes, I really hesitated on stanza 5. Yes you are right it was purposeful but I also felt it was an awkward transition to creating a third being from 2 separates. I went too fast to science perhaps, certainly there are third form manisfestations in nature, they did not surface at the time.
At first I thought you were talking about stanza 6 where I really wrung my hands fearing I risked driving away some of my precious recipients. I may change it, but want the same punch in the third eye it gives, and the rapid surfacing of the vernacular. If you love words, and I know from reading you you do, that love sometimes compells me at least to chase their literary heroin, opposed to grabbing the every soul and slamming it to the ground slapping us to awareness. Words are too seductive sometimes.
I am not sure the 6th worked. And now that you remind me of 5 I recall my stubbling around there. You helped just by seeing the juxtopositions. It is still inelegant, maybe that is what is called for. i am wobbly here.
-
-
Wow again! You have an extensive vocabulary that adds to the depth of your writes.. takes my mind on a journey of discovery!!
Adding your comment:
1 - 8 of 8
