At times loving you
is so great it is the best thing,
that I have ever experienced in life.
But other times you are so evil,
you corrupt all the sweet and gentle loving emotions,
that I give you with your devilish strife.
Why do I struggle so much;
Oh, why do I fight?
All my instincts are to flee.
When I know nothing but pain,
Agony, and trouble will come,
from letting you love me.
Everything I have ever known
tells me even the ideal of us is bad.
Yet, the thought of you no longer in my arms makes me extremely sad.
My father instructed us to stay far away,
but when I think of you
I no longer care what my father has to say.
I can't help it if you and him
are in an eternal war.
I yearn for you; I need to be with you.
I don't care if I am exiled from Heavens door.
I realize for being with you,
I will burn for all eternity.
But I willingly give up all,
that I have just for you to hold me.
I guess that if my only choice is Heaven without you or hell with you…
Then it shall be fire and cinders.
I choose you and believe me,
My devilish love it is a sweet surrender.
Author notes
option 1
A contest entry
- Daily COntest by creationsfromheart.
425 points, ended April 12, 2008, 5 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - star crossed lovers by Cerbie20.
1325 points, ended August 31, 2008, 87 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - voices of paranoic love by Deaths Desire.
610 points, ended October 2, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Imaginary by know one.
750 points, ended August 29, 2008, 109 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ~*~Angel or Devil~*~ by thenorthernstar.
850 points, ended May 25, 5 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Gold Anyone? by Cat10.
650 points, ended September 4, 2008, 57 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I Feed Off Poetry. by RealitysAStory.
500 points, ended March 29, 41 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything And Everything by Magik Milk Glass.
400 points, ended April 28, 64 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give Me Your Best Title by grammabuff.
625 points, ended May 3, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Love by FleetingImage.
400 points, ended May 11, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Gimme yo nom noms!!! by cookie-monster.
475 points, ended July 12, 75 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - OK I have too many thoughts..... by SuicidalLover.
400 points, ended July 23, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
heaven or hell what if you had to choose whether to stay alone in heaven or be with the one you love?
Comments
1 - 29 of 29
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Absolutely amazing write this was something i was looking for...GL
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Yes, a hard choice.
A few comments on the poem: there's an awful lot of telling in this. Show me how sad it makes you - use a simile or two, as sad as....
Check your grammar in the 7th stanza.
The title, which is the focus of this contest, is a cliche'. Try something that adds to the poem. Maybe, Instinct is all I Have to Guide Me. Or something along those lines. Thanks for entering.
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I like it alot... what a question.. very pondering, interesting
s,sora -
rules
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wow I loved this congrades your a finalist!
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cool
I like the flow of this poem,thanks for entering! -
a very sweet and dark write. I know I love Luis enough to go to hell for his love and just to spend my life with him. This was very touching. Thanks for entering and good luck
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Why do I struggle so much;
Oh, why do I fight?
All my instincts are to flee.
When I know nothing but pain,
Agony, and trouble will come,
from letting you love me.
my fav part good luck in the contest
,chiow
,ani -
Great very well written "But other times you are so evil, you corrupt all the sweet and gentle loving emotions, that I give you with your devilish strife" that was my favorite part. thanks for entering my contest i wish you the best of luck. ..<3.. Shelly
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yeah...loads of contests this has been entered in. i almost feel insulted lol
but this is beautiful. makes me wanna cry. it makes me a feel like i did a couple of weeks ago...like i kinda gave up my soul or so it felt for him and i still do because i love him more than he'll ever know...but i cant tell him that you know...anyway lol back to your poem
this is so pretty i mean it sends a perfect message thanks entirely for entering
♥Toxic -
Wow this has been entered for a lot of contests!
i can see why! it has a very strong message of the great extents that one would go to for love- i can totally relate.
well written, and good luck
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very good poem. it was a nice piece to read. i really liked it...
When I know nothing but pain,
Agony, and trouble will come,
from letting you love me.
i know the feeling... and it sucks. lol. very good!
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beautifully written I like the huge theme done simply it works....
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Hmmm
I like poems with a thick plot line and I love the whole Romeo and Juliet thing you've got going on, but... I must say that I was a little put off by the simple vocabulary and scarce imagery. Thank you very much for entering and best of luck in my contest. -
I like the story and the whole concept of the poem. first nitpicking in one of the lines you have ideal and I think you mean idea, at least I hope you do. Down to the criticism.
I think that you had good emotions and a good story to write here. And maybe even the raw tools to make it amazing but I think that the flow was off. And the way in some of the middle verses it starts to rhyme totally throws me off. You really need to choose one or the other.
And the wording in places is awkward.
But like I said great start it just needs a little work.
Thanks for entering my contest and best of luck
Nikki -
Oh. This is a pretty cool little poem that you have penned in here. I liked the picture that you have up. It's really dramatic and I think that it sets the stage for the story you tell in this. I was thinking about that too. About which one I would choose. I think it's really hard to say what you would choose until you find yourself in that situation. I think I would chose love but I guess I don't realy know. I think you did a good job of expressing yourself here.
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The words are made of gold and that is why the golden trophy is given..I love the depth of the write..thanks for sharing it....
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the feel of this is like innocents is the feel i get i think you did a very great excellent job here with this thanks for sharing have a very nice day
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io love this hon i think yo really expressed yourself well and the part bringing up abot the dad and the conflict and love made me think when i was a wild yeenager
and dad not approving of the guys i encounter but you handled yourself well best wishes to you in the contest
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I think you did a nice portrayal of love here, and hitting on the points that love can and often does go the distance between heaven and hell. Best of luck to you in your contests
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hmmm very dramatic portrayal of love. to stretch it from heaven to hell.
good write
-Thank you for your entry, Angi Terese -
Nicely written, all my best wishes in the contest.
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This is a wonderful poem, hitting all those conflicting feelings well. In the end, love is going to come through, despite the consequences. Nice write, thank you for entering the contest. Good luck.
♥
whisper
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This is a beautiful love poem. Congratulations on the gold. I was looking for specific people in AP to shine some light on, was this for someone here?
I see also, you have it submitted in other contests, best wishes to you on those,
Thanks again for entering, I enjoyed your piece. I just saw I Am Legend, and this piece really brought it back.
Jin -
Fallen Love?
Ah, the two paths. I enjoyed the subject, frowned upon the decision and thanked you for sharing. -
Wow
awsome! wow what a piece of art
you are truly talented....i mean...it explains everything i was looking for...exactly. well good luck and well done!
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a good piece of poetry you have penned - ah love, it is mad sometimes, pleasure twisting into the realms of pain.
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Aw much better lovely read and nice format! Good luck in the contest
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Thank you!
Thank you so much for your suggestion! That is the one thing I love about this site is I am continually learning ways to improve my writing! I truly appreciate your suggestions.
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