This blood it drips red
that pain to my body was fed
And that this blade can't help but slip
and that this skin can't help but rip
To others i dissapoint
to myself im skin and joints
Stop this unstoppable sorrow
for maybe i don't want to live till tommorow
Why suffer and cry
when all i have to do is die?
Why take all the blame,
when yet i still live as "shame"?
To walk this earth brings tears
and death is what all fears...
Wheres the happiness to await
to be miserable is my fate?
And i don't want to await to descend
to wait for my life to end?
It makes me more sad
because to many, im oh-so-bad!
But i try to be the best
but never no good to the rest
So i end this peom in plea
that someone will jus "kill me!"
Author notes
i'll pay you if you kill me(no joke).....BOO-HA-HA!!!
A contest entry
- " PREWRITES ONLY" by wingsofgold25.
500 points, ended June 7, 2008, 54 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Suicide Solution by Blood Magick.
540 points, ended July 26, 2008, 79 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
TELL ME HOW YOU LIKE MY POEM AND WHAT MAKES IT GOOD!
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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I liked it. I had a very nice flow, and I liked that it rhymed without taking away from the overall awsomeness of the poem itself.
Thanks for entering my contest, I really enjoyed reading this =] -
Dark
For the poems on the dark side this one surely is close the top Dark and deep.
A realy good piece here I hope it is just what it is just a Poem.
Thank you for your entry and good luck in the contest. -
Veryyy Good
I actually liked this one. I really think its a good poem. I liked the way the flow and ryhme never stopped. It was really good, and brought good emotion. -
Very Good
I can remember how everything seemed to suck when I was young. However, when you get older it sucks a lot more and then your youth will seem like the good old days. Well written. Keep up the good work. -
Stong Words and Emotions
Wonderful rhyming! There are a few random grammer errors such as "never no" a double negative and "peom" and "jus".
The point is clear and strong. Wonderfully penned!
"To others i dissapoint
but to myself im skin and joints"
Odd way of phrasing it, but I really like it! It was a strong piece and you should be proud of your work.
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Wow. These are powerful words and sadly I can relate. I can only tell you if it feels like your life can't get much worse, than it can only get better right? At least I like to think so. Be strong. If nothing else, look at the bright side of things.
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Wow amazing work, I can relate to every word and sentence in this poem. Its a great write and full of truth and emotion.
"To walk this earth brings tears
and death is what all fears..."
A great stanza indeed, well done my friend
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i really like this dark and emotional is my fav and i love the flow and ryme of this
it shows great emotion that is sometimes had to express and although many has travled the same path as u, u can seem to express it in a differnt way and let people know how ur feeling, i dont think it was missing anything i think it was perfect!! i loved it this is a wonderful write
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Well, I could definitely feel your pain through your words. In terms of writing, I felt this was good, but was missing something...maybe some metaphors? Metaphors are always good for expressing pain.
KP -
Very dark, it screams your pain. I have felt this way, my advice to you is just to not give up. Find something to look forward to, even if it is just seeing your friends the next morning. Don't give it up, just keep on rolling, there may be some bumps in the road, but don't stop.
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I like it
But its very sad and depressive. I know life can be hard and that pretty much anything can hurt you or get you down...But if you dont let it you will be just fine. I hope things turn out okay for you and know that things will eventually be okay.
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Tis true so many fear death. I am bipolar so I know how depression feels. I also know everything changes and life does get better. A well written poem that screams your pain
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this poem just blows me away and not giving a shit about death thats what i am talking about you write so well u have insipried me to get rid of my writers block thank u
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hey babe!!!!! where have you been
....aww but im glad you like it th
...btw whats "writers block"???
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this poem just wowed me..i liked it a lot..kept my interest at all times..i used to feel this way..life sucks sometimes and then i realized that i just complain to much and i tried to stop my wining and i met my bf and he's awsome so am all good now..great write..=) i can't even pick a favorite line because i liked all of it
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thank you!...yeah i felt this way so thats why i did write it but im really glad that you like it!...but life goes on, what can i say..
-Gore
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YOUR BAD A**
Wheres the happiness to await
to be miserable is my fate?
But i try to be the best
but never no good to the rest
I have often felt like this. You were able to put it in a poem that's great. This poem has very special meaning to me and how I am able to relate to it in so may ways. Way to go your bad ass!! Wow ii hope i don't get in trouble for saying that. lol
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Aww..
well im glad that you can relate! i try to be bad ass but im not...lol, okay maybe jus a little bit... but yeah this peom i think i can relate to the most cause everything in it is so true! Thank You! -Gore
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i love the rhyming! it was awesome! seriously, good job. and no one will kill you georgia! jeez. you may want to die, but we dont want you to. good job though, really. it was meaningful, and had lots of pain, and i feel that i can relate to the pain.
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wow! is all i can say. i love it!
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im glad you like!
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