Sweeping, soaring, shimmering
opulently resonating in glorious space
roundly roaring brass
taut clattering drums
unite pearlescent woodwind
to raise triumphant sound
lowering to peaceful round
piano enters inscribes
billowing bass
trembling treble
glistering
cascading
pounding
relentless clustering cataract
of voices
resounding memories
stored
held
lived in
limitless wonders repeated..
Author notes
This was written to remind me of the pleasures regained and constantly re-run in my mind, over the top of my own bodily pain, of concerts much loved in the past. Although not quite the usual kind of poem that you might have expected, perhaps this will give your friend a reminder of his own past and enjoyable musical experiences to ruminate on with pleasure. You most certainly have my permission to transmit these words to him with my prayers and blessings.
A contest entry
- A SPECIAL REQUEST [COMPETITION] by Fransb by FransB.
300 points, ended April 13, 2008, 28 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Field or Court; the Stage; the Symphony Hall by Peripatetic.
1500 points, ended December 7, 2008, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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The verbal adjectives and active imagery make the sound of the orchestra almost visual and the written narrative almost audible.
My favorite image is “relentless clustering cataract”. This, with the arrangement of lines and phrasing throughout, gives the reader/listener the sense of the concert in a natural amphitheater at the base of a majestic waterfall which is the orchestra.
A couple of notes:
“taught” in line 4 looks like it should be “taut”.
I cannot make sense of line 5, “unite pearlescent woodwind”. The verb “unite” may have been intended to be another verbal, but even as such it doesn’t convey any meaning to my mind or ears.
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Tut tut taut taught!!! What a klutz I am. I stay with unite pearlescent woodwind however as it just suits my play with words. Thanks for helpful comments.
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I went to a concert recently and, although I think your experience was very differrent to mine, I felt a strong connection in that this piece was clearly about a concert. I hope that my comment is helpful to the legions of younger contributors across the pond. Very well done Donald.
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interesting read, lots of verbs in these lines - concert filled with all kinds of actions taking place. Liked the flow and the images this brings to tind.
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to raise triumphant sound
lowering to peaceful round
Such a peaceful piece - I play cello in an orchestra and lose myself in the music. A great reminder....bravo friend!
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Thank you, BabyBun, for kind words. What peace and joy music brings - just been enjoying Elgar's Cello Concerto/Paul Tortelier. Have music on most of every day would prefer to make it in concert like you.
Donald
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A wonderful orchestration ...
of memories ... and truly a preview too of what to expect in Heaven! My late husband, a former colleague of Bill, and of Frans, often said: My only true desire is to sing in the Heavenly Choir. I am sure his wish is fulfilled.
Thank you for sharing your unique poem.
Blessed be.
Myra
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This is excellent. I feel the flow as I read it. The flow of words awakens and give thought. Thank you for your contribution, I appreciate this very much. He certainly would appreciate it too. On a personal note, I honor your contribution. It means so mush to me. Frans
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