Trails
The mouse walks down his tiny trail and leaves no trace behind.
The tramp swings off the freight train just to see what he might find.
A rowboat sculls down the canal: it's ripples fade from sight.
A bird flies overhead, the mouse is frozen now with fright.
A car roars through, it's dual pipes go ripping o're the hill.
The camera goes click at last the moment all is still.
Now all are gone like never was, but wonder so sublime;
The click has left a trail that will endure through all of time.
A contest entry
- R R Bridge by Jbthemilker.
475 points, ended April 13, 2008, 6 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Bravo! Third place winner!
Bravo! Third place winner!
You seemed to be able to “read” this bride for all it was worth. Your poetic description was a delight to read. I waffled between giving you the first place award, and doing things the way they have turned out. In a way, you did the very best job of describing the picture and the comments I gave about the prompt. In any contest there can only be one winner. I really, honestly thought you had a crackerjack descriptive poem here. Thank you for entering my very first poetry contest. You have been awarded the third place trophy. You will get 75 points here at All poetry.
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Glad you liked it.
That's the main thing.
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It's good, I like line 3: 'a rowboat sculls down the canal: it's ripples fade from sight.', but note rowbowt is spelled rowboat. The last line is definatly my favourite, it has a soft and beautiful finality to it. The title is good, but perhaps it should be singular? This would put a greater importance on the message you hope to put across (which you have, wonderfully, by the way). Overall - a lovely poem
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I really do know how to spell.
That's what I get for working all day then trying to write something when I get home, which is the reason I don't write a lot anymore. Glad you enjoyed. -
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Yeah - I can completely empathise with you there!
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