Ages ago, you leaned over [during church, no less]
and whispered your first lie into my welcoming ear.
"I'm gonna marry you. You just don't know it yet."
Shivers travelled up and down my spine at those words,
as goosebumps conquered the flesh on my arms.
I never intended to fall in love.
But I did.
In the back booth of a restaurant,
you got down on one knee
[while the waiter bought us flowers
and crafted tiny hearts out of peppers on our fajitas.]
I should have known better than
to believe your promises that time.
But I didn't.
That day on the phone, you couldn't see my face
as you [finally] told me the truth.
You removed your mask, demolishing my dreams.
For the first time [two weeks before our intended wedding],
I saw you for who you really were.
The fact that you had cheated,
that another girl would bear your child,
should have given me closure.
But it didn't.
Even now, the aftershocks of your lies
rock the foundation of my marriage.
[Sooner or later, they are bound to produce a crack.]
Seven years have passed, and still, I lie in my bed
staring holes through the ceiling,
wondering if everything you said was a lie.
It should make me feel better that I've moved on.
But it doesn't.
A contest entry
- lies by LovemeNHateme.
330 points, ended April 15, 2008, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - when despair becomes beautiful by unraveled.
450 points, ended May 5, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Maddness by GypsyEyes.
450 points, ended May 14, 2008, 46 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - POETRY MONTH! by WesBreezyxxx.
300 points, ended April 21, 2008, 48 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - When Life Gives You Lemons....(Round 1) by Jfd.
300 points, ended May 14, 2008, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PIF - Two 4 One Prewrites by apoeticinjustice.
1240 points, ended May 2, 2008, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Do you still forget the breeze? by forbidden-colour.
300 points, ended May 17, 2008, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - You're a heartbreaker by flyingphoenix.
475 points, ended June 11, 2008, 70 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Almost anything goes! by EmeraldDaze.
425 points, ended June 8, 2008, 74 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - All ages allowed:Memories,write about your strongest memories. by pop123.
525 points, ended September 2, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - THIS TIME i'M GOING TO WIN (pt. 2) by written-in-ink.
1000 points, ended September 13, 2008, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything & Everything for GOLD!! by Hebz.
400 points, ended June 21, 221 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 32 of 32
-
Wow! You know what should really make you feel better? That you have crafted a beautiful piece of poetry out of a painful situation. God Bless you and give you strength.
Write On!
jIM
-
lord...
-
This is so sad... so heart felt. And something that i can relate to as I am sure there are many out there who can. Thanks for sharing this wonderful write and thanks for entering it into my contest.
-
Wow! Very heart breaking and very beautiful! Good luck in the contest!
-
Wow. This is amazing. I can understand your pain that this has put you through and I hope that you can someday overcome the wrong this person has done by you, and use it to make you a stronger and better person.
Congratulations and good luck in the contest.
Chin up,
Swim.x -
this is a great write!
i love the style you wrote it in.
-
It's so touching, liked how you ended every stanza with 'it doesn't' or 'I didn't' very well written, but yeah, it sounds more like a story than as a poem.
I enjoyed it very much and can relate to the first part of it. My fav lines could be:
"It should make me feel better
that I've moved on.
But it doesn't."
Yes, I should be happy to move on and being that strong, but it simply doesn't. Very very nice write.
-
Nice story line, but classic. The effect of the structure of the first half is intense, so honest, heart-felt....questioning and vulnerable.
A good read.
...One small criticism, that I often get- gerunds, can make a poem sound less together.. "demolishing" might be more polished as "demolished".
I'm a terible writer
-so, don't take me seriously
- at all.
-
emotion packed
but it reads more like a story .. a good story ... but more like a story than a poem just my opinion though and i write only in rhyme so i dont know nothing in the poetry world
keep it up the penning and you might think about writing stories you are quite good
-
wow
very nice
i love this
and it is sad but ture
thank you so much for entering! -
woah is all I can say. Whoah.
-
thanks for entering good luck!
-
I liked the style of this, with the brackted lines. It flowed and really well.
The raw emotion comes through really strongly. I really felt for you as I read it.
Great write, thanks for entering and good luck!!!
Sunny
-
Men are arseholes sweety.
This was painful to read, a good poem.
Thank you for entering.
-
a very powerful write. Love and lost love are such strong fuel for our muse. A thoroughly enjoyable read. Well done.
Rory
-
Very good. It was well worded and one can easily see your pain. Keep writting!
-
This poem, simply made my jaw drop. I am astounded by your simple descriptions, and powerful language. You really just dug a whole into my heart - you made me feel. This had me sobbing, and begging for you...
This poem, is... Brilliant to say the least.
Bookmarking.
I love it so much, it so personal, yet -- some how you make it... Perfect?
I don't know --
I am in awe.
-
I like the small details you provide, like being in church, and the fajitas at the restaurant, it added an interesting element to the poem....thank you for entering!
-
So true...even when time has passed and men come in and out of our lives, still, there is that one guy...I should say monster, who ruins it all for us...
We will never know why they did what they did, but we will always feel it.
I really really loved the style here.
The breaks in stanzas really put a pop to the peice. Making it easy and light to read.
The feeling here is also wonderful
A kind of hopeless feeling that stays with you, even at the mentioned of being married, you make it very clear that the hole is still there.
beautiful work
-
It's a nice piece. Very well written. Unfortunately it doesn't match my contest.
-
This is a very Heart felt piece
Especially if it is a real life experience.
Thank you for your entry and good luck in the contest. -
A powerful write, the vagueness is good because any more detail would have absolutely wrecked it. I think you could even simplify if you wanted.
A good example of a lose-lose situation, I guess you could say.
-cassidy
-
this is really good u have alot of potential keep on writing i like the part were u said that he whispered in your ear good luck with ur next poem this one time i was scared like that
-
whoa---this is stunning, powerful, deep, touching; vivid. great write!
-
IT's so powerful, so beautiful. A great write.
-
If you only knew how very very much the first paragraph or so blasted me back into the past where I was standing in front of a blue eyed devil - you would be shocked. I feel this poem from the very DEPTHS of my soul and I mean it. Well done, exspressive, honest - which is refreshing indeed. Thanks for sharing
-
OUTSTANDING!!! This was a very powerful piece and I totally loved it. I am truly sorry if this really happened to... no one deserves that. But you expressed yourself VERY well in this piece. The heartache and sorrow. I loved the flow and the form. Keep it up. You have a real talent.
-
Wow!! That was so powerful. Being your best bud...as I read, I remembered these events. You described them so powerfully. I also loved the arrangement of this poem. It gave me goosebumps too as you took me down memory lane (although I wish we didn't bear these memories)! I'm sorry that he still has the power to affect you so deeply, but I know you understand what God has blessed you with in Troy. Good luck in that contest...you really deserve to win and I hope you do! Writing is a great outlet isn't it??
-
WOW, awesome write. gooseflesh over here too! Beautiful emotion, heart wrenching honesty. Keep writing, you have amazing talent!!!
-
This is one of the best raw writes I've ever read. I hate how a significant other lies once to you and you start thinking everything they say was a lie as well. It's one of the most painful feelings. Hope you're doing well 
-
WOW---Very Very Intense & Heartfelt---So Sad!
Very well well written & Versed with excellent flow and the last line's beginning with "But" had a huge impact!!----An excellent composition!!
-
The emotion was so real, the imagery so easy and every day, and that made the emotion all the more powerful. The beginning itself was powerful and I love the last line of the first stanza and the two little mini stanza type things that follow behind it
. Really powerful in words and feeling ^-^
GREAT job
diggin it majorly
A++wesome
Adding your comment:
1 - 32 of 32
