I was often told
tears
were chocolate éclairs
that could melt a man's heart
or devour it
for brief moments
between drumbeats,
I find
I've got nothing good to lose,
only meticulous preparations
to throw in the towel.
give up on tears
and Parisian pastries,
in one last pulse
of hope.
overkill maneuvers
take me far from what I need.
now,
the overhead light's out
and I'm only halfway home.
Author notes
"Only use suggested amount"
collaboration with peccavi for project poetry
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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bravo my dears ♥
you really did kick the shit out of this prompt <3
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Grammatically, yes. Chandni’s right, it isn’t correct. But I took it as you were suppose to read them as an extention from the second stanza with “I’ve got nothing to lose”
That éclair-tears line. Oh my god guys. That’s the stuff that makes poetry. That was, wow. Kudos, kudos, kudos. The third stanza played well into that.
After freshly reading the poem, I wasn’t sure as to if I was going to really like it, but I did. I like it a lot, actually.
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Oh, too much plain English! You will lose this stylization/obsfucation war! So, that said, I'm going back and reading it again to see what your message is... oh, your designs on your romantic target missed their mark (whether you used tears or not), and you've darkly accepted it... now I would end with the silver lining that I learned from the failure, and will be better prepared to manipulate my next target (but that is a silver lining- forbidden in dark-emotion writing!)
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Hmm..
I liked this - I agree with Tyler on the opening image.
Only thing is that I think stanza 3 and 4 seem a bit incomplete as a sentence - especially with the periods that came before it. I'm surprised Ty didn't point that out - he penalises me for it in Teen idol =.="
But overall, it's really good!
Never ♥
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The opening image was stellar.
The rest of it was great too, of course.
Good luck.
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