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Time Etched Boundaries

This city knows my name
Her streets
Slither

Caressing careless cars
Their drivers
Speeding

Droned minds racing elsewhere
Thoughts never
Here

Her counties court secrets
Of madmen
True

Deeply hidden haloes
Are somewhere
Too

Scared with markings we read
Her tattoos
Drilled

Outlines of living carved
In City's
Haze

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • robena
    July 22

    Edit | Reply
    wow great way to leave a lasting impression. i love it!
    deeply hidden haloes are here somewhere too
    scared with markings we read her tatoos. like these lines. you pictured the city so well in this


  • Orual
    April 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I'm rather unused to these poems that just leave an impression and create an aura rather than come right out and say something. I like it, though. You create these images that are somehow very city-like and very (I think) industrial, without using much explicit description. Fascinating work.


  • 2lullabyhaven
    April 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is really good, has that real feel to it. Enjoyed the read


  • going nowhere
    April 10, 2008

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    first of all, the title is AMAZING... i love that title. and i like the set up of the poem with the 3 lines stanzas and the last two lines with 2 and 1 word... it seems to make the poem whiz by my eyes like the cars on the streets... like those pictures that are taken and the lights cause those streaking blurs... ok.. that's to much detail in a comment.

    but the images that you portray, making the city come to life is so good... each stanza has something special in it.

    'Deeply hidden haloes
    Are somewhere
    Too

    Scared with markings we read
    Her tattoos
    Drilled'

    those are probably my two favorite stanzas... the first there because the truth of hidden haloes is so apparent, but there is good there somewhere... and the second one there because of the great picture it drills into the readers' minds.

    really, really good!


  • NurseChilly gold member
    April 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love the personification in this, I think you've done really well with this piece and it's got a very strong sense of place and time

    well done and many thanks for entering this contest

    G.x

1 - 5 of 5