Like black and white,
they eat the night.
Taking in
each ingrate's sin.
It isn't right,
but who could fight?
No one would win
against these things...
Like day and eve,
they'll watch you leave
as soon as eat
your heart, so sweet.
Thinking it relieves
what they believe
holds all deciet -
a tasty treat.
Like rain and flame,
they'll catch your name -
embedded onshredded pieces,
in thought that it decreases
all the shame
and faulty blame
that life releases,
lest it ceases.
Like lace and satin's
sultry patterns -
do not heed their whispers despite
their claim to offer all delights.
No. Doors and windows batten -
conjure spells of ancient latin.
Do what it takes to cleanse the night -
before they draw you into their rites...
They want to harvest your soul.
With hearts of charcoal
they'll replace your own,
for the Shadow's well-known
black abyss...
and final kiss -
but beware, if you follow and yearn,
you will never again return.
Author notes
Couldn't resist entering a third time.
First Entry: Dark Reign of Fire
Second Entry: Tower Troubles (I know it's a dumb title)
Third and Final Entry: Lace and Satin
Svelenica is a word I really like, so it will be my word to help you know which are mine.
ahem -
it's about dark creatures of the night.
The rhyme was not forced, but it was considered.
I really do need some critique on this.
It's supposed to be sort of fast-paced, until the very end. I'm also sorry that my entries are all so long.
A contest entry
- Heaps of Options!! by NooNiThEWitcH.
430 points, ended June 8, 2008, 32 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Positive and Critique feedback most appreciated...
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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I ABSOLUTELY LOVED THIS!!
I'M IN one of my dark moods and this just hit the spot!!
EXCELLENT WORDING AND your rhyme is not forced which is good.
I loved these lines:
"Like lace and satin's
sultry patterns"
... "conjure spells of ancient latin"
EXCELLENT POEM .. REALLY WICKED!!
Thank you so much for entering my contest. and if you ever write anything that has to do with fantasy or dark poetry please IM the links.
Nooni
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This is great! Glad you liked my suggestions, and I am even more happy that I could be of some help. This is a wonderful write and I really hope you do well in the contest. Good rhyme, good structure, good flow, good write! Good luck!
They want to harvest your soul.
With hearts of charcoal
they'll replace your own,
for the Shadow's well-known
black abyss...
and final kiss -
but beware, if you follow and yearn,
you will never again return.
I love the end. Very well done!
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before I read and comment.. could you change the colour of your font?? At least, switch the font colour with the selected colour.. coz I'm not a big fan of selecting in order to read a poem..
will be back soon.. -
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lol fair enough. There is a colour, though, I forgot some computers can't pick them up. (I have an LCD)
Sincere aplogies...
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Cool beans, girlie
This really was an interesting read, and I have to commend you for your nearly-flawless rhyme. Rhyming poems usually don't get my attention, but this was so well done that it commanded that I listen to what you had to say! Well done, and good luck in the contest sweetie!
Laura xxx
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Oh, oh ugh this is horrible!!!!
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