I'm here
You're there
Still thinking of the girl
With the rainbow hair
She lives in the present
I'm stuck in the past
Our love forever buried
In the sands of the Hourglass
Memories come and memories fade
But I can't make them last
Oh how I wish she had stayed
It seems like it all went by too fast
Open up and forgive my sin
Before we reach Heaven's gate
Or am I to die again
By some cruel twist of fate
She asked if I moved on, what I said was only a lie
When you're not here how could I
You don't care but I do
And I'm always here to remind you
That true love is hard to find
And I can't get you out of my mind
You say that I'm mister wrong
But I knew you were the one all along
So how long must I wait
For love to change from hate
And still the hourglass... the hourglass spills it sand
A contest entry
- Give Me Your Very Best!!!!!--contestant vote by TabbyCat.
600 points, ended May 8, 2008, 39 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Enter All Your Personal Writes Here (Part IV) by xxRainbowDawnxx.
900 points, ended May 24, 2008, 208 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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I do not particularly enjoy the last line. It seems a bit out of place...but I understand why it is there. I think lines seven and eight are really good, and make this stand out. It's not wordy, and this could be easily manipulated into something more. Perhaps a line that repeats to ensure they understand the point of this poem? I dunno, it is yours after all.
Well, all in all, I really enjoyed this poem. It has nice metaphors, and a great tone has been set. Gratz on this. -
i really like this!!!! its full of metaphors but not too hard to understand like some poetry!!! great write
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Love the metaphors in this, it made me feel so sad, as all memories do tend to make me feel that way, still it was written beautifully.
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How romantically sad.
This has a twinge of sadness and beauty in it as well. The romantic nature of a deeper sense of love that at the time is unrequited but could possibly be. I like this one very much. -
Nicely done...attention holding and understandable...very deep in emotions and sorrow...holding on to hope till the end...
Best to you in the contest! -
This is a wonderful idea for a poem. I was not bored as I read along. I think there is a typo in the last line though.
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I like poems with a bit of substance, and thought you said a lot with this poem, good luck.
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aww...sad...though i have been on both sides...
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Best poem I've read so far. I feel these words. I live these words as do us all.
Awsome job. Keep bringing the memories. For they are what we are.
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I feel ya dude! Unfortunately, you may be in for a very long wait. Once a girl decides you're 'Mr Wrong' she casts her decision in cast-iron granite for eternity. This is a wonderful piece and I like the flow and rhyme used here.
Erik
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"You say that I'm mister wrong
But I knew you were the one all along
"And still the hourglass... the hourglass spills it sand"
What a beautiful poem you've penned, with an excellent metaphor of hourglass love throughout. Relationships are so confusing, aren't they? Lovely expression of yourself. I enjoyed it!
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