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Trees in the Ruins

Somewhere passed where I hear sounds is where I'll safely land.
Before I blow through the trees I'll see the breeze in the wind.
I've dropped so many things here right beside my soul.
It doesn't take eyes to see that I've lost that part of me.

Am I someone the same as another coming here to the ruins?
Is another the same as someone who tried to stay away?
Before I look through the trees to see if someone is looking at me.
Do I know in my heart that another is the same as me?

Can we be found within the branches without the shame of being lost?
Is the shame upon our faces when good has turned to frost?
I've tried so hard to stay the same so another can know my name.
But, someone knows enough to know my name is not the same.

My soul is outlined with the shadows of fallen leaves.
I watched them fall when the wind took someone and another.
Nothing here can see the color around the trees.
And there will never be a darkness that lights upon these ruins.

In a field between the trees that looks like my face
Does the sorrow gather so it's all in one place.
Just as I know my heart is beneath the Earth,
I look down to see where I lay and I beg to be lifted.

Many of the souls that rest in the fields
Find their mate is another high in the trees.
It's a cry I hear that the wind has blown
Down to the ground without any wings.

Wash over me when the rain falls in this place.
Whatever the trees don't catch let it fall on my face.
I see how they've come here fallen from the air.
We need to find the door and walk away from these ruins.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 14 of 14

  • Lyndon gold member
    July 9, 2008
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    Amera

    found two errors you could have picked up on!


  • Pamela A Lamppa silver member
    July 7, 2008

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    This piece must be read slowly with the essensce of the wind on the breath. It is long and merits clear thinking to grasp the artwork presented.

    So much seen within these lines, blown up and again whisked away...as change is truly all we can be certain of.

    Technically, not bad. It is wordy and takes effort to read and absorb. I will plainly say, I needed to read your first line several times to get the feel for your meaning. You may be able to whittle this down some and still keep that dreamy soft flowing feel that I think you have attained nicely in this work.

    Beautifully visual. I do however, dislike the use of capital letters to begin each line. Though I know it was used by the masters, it detracts some from the word weaving in your poem - for me. You can do well without it and probably be more effective in your message as a result, however,

    that by NO MEANS distracts

    from your message and the sweet longing of pulled emotion that you portray beautifully in this piece.

    I enjoyed this read a great deal. Thank you for your entry and best of luck in the judging. ~Pamela


  • Amera gold member
    July 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is a wonderful quatrain penned with imagery and with the storyline of a prose. Since you chose to punctuate it there are a few corrections you may want to consider; L7 is a sentence fragment, L18 is a question without a question mark. All in all it’s an enjoyable read, thank you for entering our contest.

    Love,
    Amera♥


  • borrowing.moonlight gold member
    June 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    wow that has a really pretty theme to it....
    thanks for entering
    good luck!


  • Luna Tique Fringe
    May 29, 2008

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    Sorry, but I'll have to pass on this. The rules were breeched. Entered too many times...better luck next time.


  • Kathryn Bowden
    May 26, 2008

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    really nice write, however, I cannot consider it for any trophies yet as I asked for the option you chose to be placed in your author's notes. Thanks!
    Kathryn

    • bluecadhands
      May 26, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks Kathryn! Sorry I did forget to include the option.
      Option #1 is the one that I selected.


  • Hermit Risin
    May 18, 2008

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    i really liked the feeling behind this poem, it produced an almost tangilble imagery to match the emotion.


  • everyone1 gold member
    May 18, 2008

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    An admirable effort, well constucted

    I believe and could sense the brittle emotion of this poem as it was written on my heart... I am honored to have read it, and i fancy that it is worthy of great praise...

    Best wishes to you in the contest!

    ~ James ~


  • lightswitches
    April 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Maybe I watched the movie Rudy too much as a kid, but I truly adore it when people look outside the box. I guess this is because most movements materialize from such efforts.
    This was a completely solid, and it seems almost effortless, but it also elaborate.
    nice


  • cover fire hero
    April 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Finalist

    Very good man.


  • nikkia
    April 12, 2008

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    this is a beautiful poem and it's also very unique. i could hear your voice throughout the piece and i loved it. thank you very much for your entry and good luck


  • Gypsie Ink
    April 10, 2008

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    Speechless

    I honestly don't know what to say. It is profound and beautiful. Breathtaking and captivating. Stunning and powerful and leaves me in awe. Hope you don't mind but I will place this in my book of favorites. This takes me on so many journeys, yet only one. Thank you for sharing!

    • bluecadhands
      April 12, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      I'm speechless too!

      Thanks for the very kind words! I don't know what to say either! Your comments have filled me with great encouragement! I did post a few more poems that I wrote about 12 to 15 years ago. I'm not as pleased with them as I am with the more recent ones that I have written. After reading your comments at work the other day, driving home I found the words to one that I had a title to 'The Color of Mist'. Your comments opened up my thoughts and inspired me!

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