My heart lays in ruins
Among the stones of life
But one artery keeps beating
One window still looks on
Hoping that someone will rebuild it again
A contest entry
- Titles Are Us - April Contest by CitrineSunrise.
900 points, ended April 20, 2008, 4 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - round one (for everyone) prewrite contest ENTER ENTER ENTER (AND YES THAT MEAN'S YOU too by serenity silvermoon.
927 points, ended February 16, 1509 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please let me know what I can do better
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
-
Anna, Congratulations on the bronze trophy and thank you for sharing such hopeful thoughts that this picture inspired in you. As long as we have hope the ruins will always be rebuilt. Short and concise you summed up this picture most effectively. Keep that window open and your ink flowing. Kudos for you on this wonderful piece that you have shared with all of us. Love and God bless, Joyce
-
-
thank you for the trophy. love is always worth fighting for, so one window in my heart will always look on...
-
-
A very interesting metaphor that was well developed despite the brevity of this poem. I felt your message of hope. While there is life, there is a possibility that we will find the love we seek. Thank you for your entry. Peace, Liz
-
I enjoyed the message you weaved into this poem. Your first and last lines link well with each other. Also linking 'heart' with 'eyes' and 'life' with 'beating' gives dynamics to associative thought. Much thought is derived from these 5 lines subtly titled 'rUinS', which could have a few symbolic messages: 'Us', 'ruins', 'are you in sight', etc. Like they sometimes say on AP: "You've done a wonderful job!". Frans
-
I like the idea, and good flow fourth lines my favorite, good luck in the contest
Adding your comment:
1 - 5 of 5
