Never could be sure
If I'm bleeding for real
Or if I'm just some speck floating in a snowglobe
Challenging each other with gauntlets of rubber
We sigh, directly into another day
My feet are iron, my skull is clay
Twirling in the suspension
Brownian movement not exactly random
When I reach my perihelion, I breathe your name
And feelings cascade like rubber tires on fire
In my constricted veins
Never could be sure
If these memories are real
Or if they're the mad dreams of a Man in an Iron Mask
The ink dries, the quill deteriorates
In my shivering grasp
I'm the poison of the Asp
Light atoms escaping the Sun's pull
To conspire parsecs away
And form the fake snow
That prays, still, invoking your name:
The shadow, and the flame.
What is the crazy?
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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excellent
this is clear writing about the concept .
It cannot get any better.
Its definitely a better poem than others I have read recently.
thank you for sharing with us.
Pls visit some of my works. I liked these two:
Light atoms escaping the Sun's pull
To conspire parsecs away -
amazing words
the write was very deep, and moving, also left a bit open to personal interpretation wich i find a very hard thing to do when writing poetry, most just want to tell a story (myself included) since it is supposed to make you feel, rather then be told what is
...getting off subject here ...sorry
well, i like it but i think the structure was a bit dodgy made it look a bit rough for the smoothness of the write, it flows nicely but then again with the form, makes you lose the image you so beautifully described, over all well done
thanks for the read
~.♥.~Rena~.♥.~
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great job
You did an awesome job with this, and you got a great way with words keep up the good writing!
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starry night
are you an astrnomer?? i had to look up a few words whick makes me happpy im glad i found a new great writer to read!!
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Nice balance with that last line, as they definitely come hand in hand.
Not sure why people are criticizing this below as I dont' see an indication asking for it, but I may have missed that.
Regardless, nice images, and I like that I kind of take dual meanings from this.
Could be about love
Could be about life
and it's probably about both.
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Only one person criticised it, and that rather lamely.
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I might not have taken note of that except they look 'orribly emo, and they can't even spell the name jacob ..
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i dont know whats going on with my points, if i could applaud id give ya 3 ^^^
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and i just randomly clicked on a name and stumbled upon this poem. i am very glad
'Light atoms escaping the Sun's pull'
very gorgeous and interesting imagery.
nice job--very very nice job ;-D -
love it!!!! its great for a poem (im not sayin its rubbish the only person whose poems i would crittisize is me!!!!) keep up the good work!!!! lol xx by the way that pic is REALLY creepin me out!!!!! lol xx
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Dude...
...you're far too clever for me. "We sigh, directly into another day..." is the most beautiful line.
Bravissimo Signor
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"its not the best but its not bad either????" are u jokin? that person is crazy i thought it was terrific!!! keep penning your fantastic poetry!
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It's not the best, but it's not bad either. Keep it up!
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