Compact ambitions wear disposition
bared against oceans of achievements
where white sharks circle imagination.
The absolution of serenity,
a dream spawned by fear's realization
of the emancipation in the short breath.
When you get there let me know,
the wretched path that sets a smile
and she blames it all on grace,
I've spread departure in a box.
Double exposure destroys composure
shaking securities locked in program
while lunatics generate shopping spree.
And I can't cry to Jesus anymore
since the little boy won big and died
as the bogeyman dealt desolation.
When you get there let me know,
a finished song that lingers love
and she lays it down to faith,
I've given up on leaving stains.
A contest entry
- Prewrite Plethora by TheDemonEve.
1100 points, ended May 30, 2008, 47 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Can you hold this while I get some?
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
-
There is strong sense of hopelessness and giving up in this piece that is intensely painted and intensified through to the end by the words used.
Good write.
-
You are in my thoughts, I hope all is well with you in life.
-
Very unique and VERY powerful. The effect this has shatters the soul, and resonates long after. Every word is perfect and in its perfect place; poetry doesn't get much better than this.
Best of luck and thanks for entering!
-
Congratulations On Silver Babe!
Well worth Gold if you ask me sweet admirer...This was ever so sad to the heart.The title works really well with this pen as it seems that being boxed would definitely make one can't cry out to Jesus...I have went through the loosing faith scenario and the being boxed is horrid...Great pen hun as usual...
Blessings
~CherylAnn~
-
This contest was designed it seems with you in mind, so
deft you were at delivering this substance...Congrats also on the Silver, nice one
lol
-
The line "where white sharks circle" is a great image. It spoke to me of a person who imagines the worst thing that could happen. An insecure person who is broken by her past...
Enjoyed reading.
~ Joyce
-
dear heather... please walk... leonard cohen is brilliant,
-
I love the line, "and she blames it all on grace". This entire poems is amazing, tons of good imagery, the first stanza just sets the tone, and everything after it just draws me in further. Last line of the fifth stanza has a sort of childlike depression feel to it, and the ending is very powerful.
-
Have you been inside my head damnit? LMAO!
This so totally blew me away, from the internal rhyme and beyond. Killer killer last line dear...only something you could come up with. Love the imagery I get when reading this and the sharks circling, well they circle me ALL the time.
You rock and I am so glad to see you here.
Becky
-
Wonderfull
Bravo
-
wow...every stanza is so powerful, i don't know where to begin...the first grabbed me, pulled me in deep...the second put tears in my eyes...and the rest only intensified. a magnificent write, dark and saddening...the last verse, last line is killer. you're so good.
-
-
I've given up on leaving stains...interesting last line. This whole poe has so many images and lots to ponder! Thank you for sharing this on AP...~Sie
-
i like the white shark imagery that circles the thoughts/imagination
- ah lunatics shoppign lol that will be in the morning running round the supermarket mucnhing on free food i digress, a good piece here, dark language twisting like vines around a dream of sleep.
Adding your comment:
1 - 14 of 14
