I.
My grandmother said
she felt stone growing beneath her feet.
And then we saw the boat.
Full of Germans,
the ship's got a bone in her teeth
and she's so big
she's busting Jūratė's undersea palace to pieces;
shards of amber slice up our skin
as the last fires burn out,
time for Gabija's last rest...
My grandmother collects the embers.
Soon, rock blossoms from the earth;
these Germans come with sharp tools and
wooden crosses--
they steal Dievas,
give us Jesus--
life, I think,
may be better at sea.
Under the cover of night,
I leave my village with a boat and a fishing net.
I am resigned to eat raw herring
until I make it to Sweden.
II.
Menulis and his daughters light my way,
the moon, the stars;
adrift on nothingness,
I float into dreams.
Then: a song.
"Kastytis, fellow sweetest;
don't you think you are immodest?
why do you at night again
cast your nets in my domain?
I'm Jūratė, the sea-goddess."
And it was her, bobbing in the water:
bare breasts
bronze and gleaming in the moonlight,
emerald-faceted tail making little waves
to lap at my stern.
Clouds shadowed the moon
and lightning split the sky open
she'll leave me to die here, surely--
Her lips don't move,
but I hear her voice
"Kastytis, come with me, come..."
Her hand is on my face,
her hand is in my hand--
I breathe water.
III.
The amber palace
is brighter than the home fires,
and Jūratė's voice is a harp--
"You'll be my king, Kastytis;
I adore you."
Mother-of-pearl lips
touch softly on my eyelids,
the Germans can never take my goddess.
IV.
Does love offend you so,
mighty Perkunas,
that you must kill the queen of the sea?
If I am not worthy,
throw me back to my shores;
to kill her is to kill my reverence for you.
Your words still echo.
How dare you soil her hands, mortal.
How dare you step foot into the palace of amber.
Go back to your people, mortal.
V.
Jūratė's last grace carries me safely home
where the fortress has risen to the sky
and my sister wears a wooden cross
strung on a cord around her neck.
I have lost everything.
Author notes
Prompt: Be inspired by the Baltic Sea.
This poem is loosely based on the Lithuanian legend of Jūratė and Kastytis. A version of the legend can be found here: http://www.efn.org/~valdas/maironis.html (last poem on the page). It also incorporates elements of the bringing of Christianity to Lithuania by the Germans in the twelfth century-- Lithuania was the last European country to be converted.
Characters/words in the poem to know:
*Jūratė: Lithuanian sea-goddess who inhabited the waters of the Baltic
*Gabija: personification of fire
*Dievas: main god in the Lithuanian pantheon
*Menulis: moon-god
*Perkunas: God's scourge.. a.k.a. the punisher
Jūratė's song in part II from Maironis, translated by Lionginas Pažūsis
http://www.efn.org/~valdas/maironis.html
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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I like editing. It's hard to push out an 80-line poem in a couple days. I want to elongate it... just not sure how yet.
I'll try to show the time period better. Good suggestion.
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67
initial impact
14/20
completely unexpected. the song and the italics and all that jazz were a bit much. it felt a bit like you were trying to write out an epic, but it really wasnt long-winded enough for ancient tales in translated song.
originality in incorporating prompt
28/40
i was really thrown off because the piece didnt articulate the actual time period well. i hear a boat full of germans and it could really be anytime in the last 1500-2000 years. each section seemed to grab on to a little bit of the story and just dance around the same aspect for a couple of lines and then leave to the next bit.
structure enhances piece
8/20
the breaking into sections didnt do very much for it. it simply isolated you and made it hard to move forward until the next number. and the italic song felt like you were trying to write like the writers of a different time, not from the perspective of a different time period.
title
9/10
the names themselves are quirky enough to really bring the reader in.
staying power
8/10
i really wanted it to be longer. i wanted to see a longer journey. and im still thinking about those first 3 lines. fantastic. -
Very educational as well as entertaining. Liked the author notes you added as well. Am sure this could be explanded and really more detailed than what you already have here.
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what a wonderfully told story, that could grow into an epic. It sighs like the sea and conjures up visions in the imagination. Haunting and beautiful while imparting a touch of history.
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Tinuelena, you have come a long way since your plaid fearing tart days. This is an exciting story told eloquently. I especially like the mental picture of the galloping ship shaking down the walls of the undersea palace. Very intense throughout the poem. Bravo!
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beautiful
some of your best work. i loved the descriptions/imagery throughout. i think this was my favorite, although it was hard to choose:
And it was her, bobbing in the water:
bare breasts
bronze and gleaming in the moonlight,
emerald-faceted tail making little waves
to lap at my stern.
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