What is wrong with me?
Why doesn’t he see me?
I have my flaws.
I have my down falls
I feel them when I walk
I hear them taunting me when I sleep
Why do you feel the need to remind me
Remind me that I am not yours?
Remind me that there are too many problems with me
Remind everyone, that I am just like everyone else
For so long I kept my feelings secret
Nobody but me knew
Nobody ever suspected
Nobody would have guessed.
Then I felt safe
Safe, letting a single person into my thoughts.
Safe, by letting someone get to know the real me
The soft and loving me
Someone was special enough to get to know the
Hopeless romantic that I truly am
The one that cries during movies,
The one that balls every time an animal dies.
Someone got to know that
And they took it, an exposed it
They let the people that I try to toughen up for know my
Secret, they let you know
I don’t want you to leave
I don’t want you to go
I know I have flaws
I know I have down falls
I can become like everyone else.
I can stop eating and maybe become an addict.
But why would you want that?
Why would you want normal?
I’m not perfect and I know that
But if I stop pretending that I love me
If I stop lying to myself then who will?
That’s all I have my imagination
My imagination keeps me sane
My made up façade says I am beautiful
without an imagination I am without face.
I have no life, no individuality. I am nothing.
You can strip me of my hard shell and protection
and leave me naked and exposed but you can’t take away
my imagination. You can’t take away me.
What happens if I told myself the truth
what would happen if I never said anything?
I am ugly
I am fat
I am unworthy.
My life is a lie and it was a good one till you came along
Now you wont leave
You want to see me suffer like a snail being put in a bucket of salt
Well then you have it.
This is me!
I am not like them I can never be them.
Lie to myself to save face
To make it look like I believe in me
And now you know…they told you…
They knew me and abused me
And now everyone knows.
I want to be just like everyone else.
I want to stop playing pretend.
Author notes
I have been feeling really down lately and at first I thought it was because summer is fast approaching and I miss my grandpa but now that I let myself in on my own feelings I know it isn't. Under it all I am telling the truth,,, all of this is real. and I never wanted it to happen. I always thought I was going to be hapy with myself and everyone told me that it was all apart of growing up,,, you become more aware of what you want to be and what you ar enot... But I was like yeah what ever my parents are happy being themselves then I am to. But as time grows old and so do I I have realized that it isn't true. My parents wish they could change themselves too. I understood that everyone goes through this but I can be honest when I thought that I would be different. Just like I can be honest and say that I think I am indestructable... I know deep down I am not but thats the way it feels. I hate growing up because everything changes and I imagine that these thoughts and these feelings I am sharing with you are from that part of me that hides. In my soul there is a soft part. A soft part that I try to keep pure and innocent but through experience and life lessons that little part of me gets cold and hard and as each day of unhappy passes that soft part of me fades. This poem is an attempt to rejuvinate that part of me. That part of me is what I call the real me. It is a sad place and knows what is going on around it, it crys durring sad movies. But the shell that surrounds that soft part of me is tough and built that way by my parents because they never wanted me to get hurt. They wanted me to be able to handle life...Withut always breaking down because it gets hard. y dad always made it clear that the world stops for nobody and that is what that hard shell is made of tough love. those times I would run away to my room or to have my time alone when I never wanted to be alone.But I was alone. that alone is what wants me to hide that soft spot because if I place it on my chest where everyone can see it then it is going to be taken advantage of and thats what has been happening a lot latley. That is what inspired this poem. The real me. So as you read this don't feel sorrow feel like you have met a new person because once all of this is out of my system and I get over the fact that I have a soft spot and forget about it until reality hits me agian I am not going to rethink this at all. It is going to take a about a week and a lot of depressing music. Thank you for reading and understanding.
Comments
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this kind of annoyed me:
"I have my flaws.
I have my down falls "
how there is only ONE period in this pair of stanzas. i'm weird i know, but it bugs me, lol. there are other places that are like this too, but im sure you can find them without me having to copy and paste all of them.
OMG! this entire comment in your author's notes:
"A soft part that I try to keep pure and innocent but through experience and life lessons that little part of me gets cold and hard and as each day of unhappy passes that soft part of me fades."
is EXACTLY how i feel about this too, i'm glad that i'm not the only one.
i'm glad that you can take on a poem and say what the real you is, a lot of people would be too afraid to do something like that. i like it a lot.
great job, it's nice to see poems from you again.
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Yeah
I felt like this for years, but in the end everything that was happening was just leading me to leave for my uncles. I thought that would be the last place I'd meet God, or come to terms with the lies and truths about myself.
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