Overcast afternoon stuck to the bone
sweat caked nylon black peeling
Look to forms lying upright and neireid clothed
frescoe on pyloned cieling
Seratonin showers fall slowly through the dust motes,
finger trembles, doesn't effect frequency
She raps the door softer than a vanishing note,
tones in green bottles on sandsea
It seems I said I'd meet you yesterday
Dream, I am waiting
The water here could turn the clearest crystal a dull gray
Dream, I am waiting
I could have asked for a hairpin
to dig out her striatic tones
Instead, we balled up trains of yarns
and stitched us a sweater to bundle our bones
So come on in and sing me a lullabye, sweet bliss
and drive off the deadness of quivering stones
and drink wine until our dusty sighs infuse this
musty mattress and waterlog foam
I Don't scream. Noone hears solitude!
Dream, I am waiting
The keenest cries are vacuumed ere the sand clean prelude!
Dream, I am waiting
Author notes
This is an address to Dream, in a language that is formed of His agencies
How do those bones feel?
Comments
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This is stunning. I got the most incredible feeling as I was reading it. Hard to explain... But like I was isolated and listening to the waves of the ocean crashing to shore. I love poetry that transports me somewhere else as I read it - and this piece certainly did that. My favourite part -
"She raps the door softer than a vanishing note,"
Those lines are amazing. Congratulations on a wonderful write!!
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*sigh*
your language makes me sigh in pleasure! I think it might make the poem inaccessible to people who aren't word nerds, but the hell with them. keep bringing the word bounty
dream, I am waiting
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By the way; my favourite lines are the following:
Overcast afternoon stuck to the bone
Seratonin showers fall slowly through the dust motes,
She raps the door softer than a vanishing note,
tones in green bottles on sandsea (that might be of not on btw)
I could have asked for a hairpin
to dig out her striatic tones
Instead, we balled up trains of yarns
and stitched us a sweater to bundle our bones
by far my favourite part.
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Your bones need to be crushed!
IN A BONE CRUSHING HUG.
I cannot tell you how glad I found you. I enjoyed every line of this piece. Very well written.
lines:
4. ceiling (just a small spelling error)
21. no one (space is needed)
23. might be 'ere but could be 'here' as well
I think the flow would be better, if you put a comma after crystal;
The water here could turn the clearest crystal, a dull gray.
Also just a small suggestion; I think the piece would be even stronger if you did some spacing, and created some stanzas.
I am really looking forward to reading more of your work!
Bravo!
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