The slow machine of lack of affection,
cogwheels of the ebb,
bodies leave pillows,
sheets, kisses,
foot before mirror being interrogated
each one to yes same,
not looking between them,
not naked for other,
I don't love you,
my love.
Author notes
Prompt: Ebb
A contest entry
- Ebb by Mirthryl.
1050 points, ended April 21, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Interesting contemplation of the waning of affection in a relationship. First two lines give a sense of the slowness of the experience, almost like the sheet being caught in gears and pulled inward. I'm not sure I understand the "foot before mirror being interrogated," unless referring to the mediaeval proxy betrothal ceremony, in which the touching of feet constituted a legal consummation of the marriage? I get a little lost trying to understand "each one to yes same, not looking between them." Then the withdrawl of interest from from the former object of desire. Sad write.
Thank you for your thoughts, and for entering my contest. -
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The slow machine of lack of affection,
cogwheels of the ebb,
bodies leave pillows,
sheets, kisses,
foot before mirror being interrogated
each one to yes same,
not looking between them,
not naked for other,
I don't love you,
my love.
Here I mean only that the desire to love has been evaporated,
due to lack of affection and due to this, both the man and woman
left the emotions to copulate...may be some heated or silent arguments too.
When bodies leave bed, you know, there is a posture to sit on the bed
spreading legs, (imagine, there was a mirror in front of bed),. Here I imagined
of foot seeing each other, interrogating each other, seeing each one in the same manner
, and though they are both naked, ( here the psychological situation is that when two persons are
both naked, theres will not a single recognition of nakedness between them).
( for example: all persons in a bathroom naked, don't see either anyone naked.)
Last lines, say about the inner mentality of a man. Although the woman is his love( My love),
but not any passionate desires born and the pre-thought certainty, which was in mind
before to leave the woman(whatever may be), declares..I don't love you.
Hope, now you will be in my imaginative clouds and understand, why the
words explode from my mind.
Thanks for your so analytical comment. I'm overwhelmed that you've tried to
think about it.
Thanks again.
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