She's a broken beauty queen with an obsession with plastic smiles and tears
of icy regret. [steal nerves were never this pretty]
and where is her perfect smile that makes all the boys [girls] who want her melt?
Made up of cheap eyeliner [five finger discount] and bits of promises that weren't ever kept anyways.the times running out.ever searching for the thing that started her on this road to nowhere,where is she now? [pretty much nowhere]and she's always
running down that path that they swear will make her forget,forget all the finger prints along her collar bone and the faint stench of cologne on her hips.
Baby,[dreams never really come true]and now your crying and you cant stop thinking about every fantasy that never came true,the wishes that were always to afraid to be wished,kissed not wanting to be kissed [but of course they still were] there always waiting for you to stride down the darkened streets and shine like the stars above you [the sad thing is we both know you'll never reach them] if being in love means living life right,then [why] am i feeling so fucked up?for once I just want to feel like if i dare to [touch you there] and tell you i love you,it wont leave me bleeding in the future.
With less nervous conversations and more [heart stomping] love,crashing after a night of good old [excuses,excuses,excuses] I swear i never planned on hurting you like this,but i cant help it if my eyes don't shine like they used to,or you don't like how my bones are just.a.bit. to visible,they always said i was a bit to real,and now i don't think i can take much more of my own realty.I thought I needed sleep,and i partied,I knew I needed food,and i purged,I know i need you,so please [don't] leave me now.slanted bars of sanity are ways to the outside of where im locked in my own skin.I don't want to see myself anymore,no more crying,no more denying how far ive slipped down this well to my own demise.
and just forget all of the things i proudly told you to remember forever.
[like when i was down to ninety?]there nothing more,I promise.We don't need to wait for each other,were both right here.and you don't have to say sorry,
cause this is the end.
of me.of you.
of us.
Author notes
name-glitterxgore
A contest entry
- Is Dirty Pretty a Lost Cause? by Hell In Harmony.
6500 points, ended July 22, 2008, 37 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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She's a broken beauty queen with an obsession with plastic smiles and tears
of icy regret. [steal nerves were never this pretty]
nice phrasing
but 'steal' should be 'steel' -
I think it was a little drawn out and cliche in parts. this is a lot more like the old kind of dirty pretty, which I am trying to redefine. sorry love. thanks though. kat
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The last three lines were strong. At first I was daunted, seeing how long each line was, but once I got into it it was good. I liked the imagery, very powerful.
Great write.
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"if being in love means living life right,then [why] am i feeling so fucked up?for once I just want to feel like if i dare to [touch you there] and tell you i love you,it wont leave me bleeding in the future." Favorite part right there.
You have a great talent for pouring out your anguish, confusion, and every other emotion into beautiful dirty pretty. Well done and good luck in the contest.
~QoA
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I like this, but the stanzas are very long, perhaps too long....
Also you have quite a few spelling and grammatical errors, you write "to" a good few times when you should have written "too".
Also "toled" should be "told".
Could you please go through this with a fine tooth comb as they say, i.e. double and triple check for mis-spellings and grammatical errors?
Also, could you please put your AP name in your ANs?
And don't forget to enter a new write, as per the rules.
Thanks,
Shelly -
wow
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