Punishment and pain
yesterdays stain
what we"ve lost
what it"s cost
years are eating
two competing
life seeps
heaven weeps
emptiness betraying
what were saying
ebbed tide
cant hide
A contest entry
- Ebb by Mirthryl.
1050 points, ended April 21, 2008, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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I especially like the first 2 and last line, and the title also.
You have a couple of spelling errors:
wev"e - we've
its - it's
where - we're
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Interesting title. Double licked stamps usually don't hold well. Sounds like a relationship that is having hard times in consequence of choices made over time, and competing priorities. Life seeps, and surely heaven weeps over families pulling apart instead of together, with the emptiness that results. Love your last two lines! When the tide ebbs, all sorts of things one had not seen earlier are disclosed!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, and for entering my contest! -
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taiinfinite
Thanks for your comment, yes i did write it as a relationship but more so from a goverment to the people, trying to apease tomorrow and leaving the future with nothing, but a pot to boil the stagnent water in. Maybe we should create another name for goverments.
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